Insecurities in Inner Thoughts

I don’t know what it’ll take to be happy in my own skin, or to be confident. I have changed my body so much over these last three years, and even when I was stagnant I had tiny whispers reminding me that I was flawed. I’m sure you’re probably thinking “well everyone has flaws…that’s what makes you human.” But you see, my brain tells me I am the MOST flawed, undeserving of any good in life. I’ve tried many ways to escape reality, I’ve tried more medications than I care to list, and therapy.
Let’s be honest with each other, shall we? None of it worked. You know why? In order to see personal growth you have to want it and believe you are capable of it. I never wanted it. I thought my depression and anxiety disorders could be the only things that defined me. Now that I am a young mother to two beautiful children, I want to live my life showing healthy relationships with body image and food. Having two children, 16 months apart has really put my body through a lot. Stretch marks, saggy breasts from breastfeeding, a nonexistent butt, etc has made it hard to look in the mirror and smile. But I wasn’t happy when I was dancing 3-5 days a week, working out before school every morning, and weighing a whopping 145 lbs. I thought I was disgusting to the eye, yet now I am kicking myself for not rocking shorts and bikinis with ease!
So here’s your daily reminder, we are all flawed and we are all insecure about one thing or another. But lets allow ourselves to find self love in 2020, one day at a time.
Until next time,
your anonymous friend