April 1st **TW** in Lifebook

It’s day 9 of the lockdown and I’m trying not to lose my mind. I have a research thesis to start and I’m still stuck. I’ve been postponing working on it since last November and now, I suppose, I’m paying the price. These days, I’m not in the mood of doing anything except for sleeping or working out at home to have a slight temporary dopamine rush instead of binge eating which will certainly make things worse. Dear reader, you really can’t imagine the efforts I’m making to manage my eating disorders; I often win the battle but at the expense of my mental state which becomes messed up eventually.
I think I made a huge mistake in the first place by not choosing my favorite field of study and being instead submissive to my parents’ requests. I’m about to get my diploma but I lost control of the situation halfway through because I became mentally tired and I’ve had enough! I can’t spend the rest of my life fulfilling other people’s desires while neglecting mine. The fact that I couldn’t attain some financial independence is eating me up and makes me prey to others’ manipulations. Sorry for complaining, but I just needed to get this off my chest because I was about to explode. I hope things will get better for me and for everyone reading this ! There is some hope after all.