your my everything again in my depression

you tell me that you still love me is that all a lie i dont know what to believe anymore,so many people lie to me in fact everyone does but you used to say when i would overthing “but im not everyone” this corona stuff honestly worries me because your suseptable to getting it because of your cf weve been seeing eachother because i cant let go and you say you miss me but is it a lie am i not even good enouph to think that your using me i just dont know anymore im trying not to but everytime i seee you i fall in love with you again although theres 1600 days until we can be together can i wait that long, will i be dead by then , im so lost and i honestly dont know how to find myself, if my grandfather was here he would know exactly what to say, i remember how you used to remind me of him ,the way you loved me was like the way he did and the way you stroked my hair was the same, i just dont believe that you really love me and maybe its just my brain playing with me and maybe im right either way i dont really care in a sese considering at least i get to see you, i wish there was just a test that could tell me were meant to be together, but maybe all of the questions im asking are questions i already know the answers to.