last monday. probably looked hilarious but gladly no one saw. writing that makes me think of piglet, she’d have loved to have seen that. payback for all the times i laughed at her whenever clumsiness overtook her. which was quite often. she hated being laughed at, would nibble my hand or knee. i can just imagine the mockery there in her beady, porcine little eyes. a slight tail wag. a few pitying licks on the shin. that was amazing. amazingly stupid. idiot. do it again. a point that would be hard to argue with a freshly blackened eye and sore knuckles. but it wasn’t… no, wait, idiot. don’t even try.
an explanation then? righto. yeah. not an excuse. explanation. it all started with the weed whacker. line trimmer. it’s motorized. and doesn’t start easily. never has. sorry, you’re just going to have to imagine these sound effects yourself: when you pull the little handle that cranks the engine over, for the first 20 times it goes “brrrr-rrrr” and about 20th go your arm is getting tired and you think it’s not going to start. one more try? “brrr-rrooooooooom-ft” oh! so close. another 20 cranks. nothing. ah, well. let’s have a look at the spark plug. no, that’s fine. sparking. one more try then i’ll put it away. “brr-rrrr-rrroooooooom-oom-ft”. oh! so close… almost had it.
about an hour later you’re all sweaty. dizzy. your arm hurts. your back hurts. your left thigh hurts. to be fair, you’re a little bit grumpy. it’s almost going though. one more try? no, put it away. you can barely even hold it up anymore. or, hear me out, or you could just try pinching the handle with your knees and hold the thing up with your legs. the angle’s a little awkward. uses different muscles. but not so tired muscles. brilliant. you genius. this’ll buy me another 20 cranks. we’re so close! it’ll work this time.
in retrospect i should have wiped my sweaty palm on my sweaty t-shirt.
“br-whack!”
ow!
redness.
some unknown moments pass.
next thing you know the weed whacker is on the ground, not even pleading for its life. and you’re standing there in front of it with a sledge hammer. both hands raised over your head. do it! it’ll feel so good. 20 swings and this thing’ll never punch you again. wait–DO IT! now or never!–no, wait, i punched me. wait.
ohhh.
“crc. engine start. instant engine starter. petrol and diesel engines. contains 25% ether. prevents battery drain. lubricates upper cylinders. cold or humid climates. 400ml. crc (registered trademark) engine start helps rapid initial start-up for all petrol and diesel engines. when sprayed into the air cleaner it significantly lowers the energy required for combustion. the ingredients of crc engine start are…”
i mean, it’ll probably work. i don’t know. i haven’t tried yet. maybe when i finish this. my eye is still bruised.
the weeds around the kiwifruit vine need trimming and the pumpkins out the front are barely indentifiable and mostly strangled. i doubt they’re even going to grow pumpkins. i’m not terribly bothered about it either. the 60 or so pumpkins i grew out the front last year just sat in his shed until they either went mouldy or got eaten by rats. and there’s going to be more than enough pumpkins from the pig sty patch. that seaweed fertilizer is amazing. a fully grown pumpkin appeared from a flower in 1.5 weeks. the old bugger jokes that whenever he shows people the garden he tells them not to stand next to the pumpkin patch. the vines will catch them then the plant will devour them. wouldn’t… that be something. i wonder if it would sour the pumpkins? depends on the person, i guess.
on sunday peter dug up and pickled some beetroot. beets. all i could see was the horrified expression on kathy’s face.
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