1/31/2020 in my journal

to the one that got away,
i miss you but i told myself i wouldn’t text you till april. april 7th. your birthday. from now to april so much is going to change. i applied to texas state you know i’m kinda scared like do i really want to transfer. am i moving on or am i simply just running away from reality. i wish me & you were still an option. i think about you everyday. everyday. it sucks the most not being able to know if you’re okay or anything. but i see you are doing great things around campus. i know you have worked so hard on planning your trip and i’m so proud of you for it. i always knew you had the potential. i see your posters all over campus and i’m just so grateful you showed me cause every time i see one around campus i get this feeling of tranquility just knowing you are doing well. one day i had a really bad anxiety attack and right across form this bench was your poster. i sat and just started at the poster idk why but it made me feel so much better. just the thought of you. you have a way of making any situation positive. i miss that. i miss your positive energy. in one of my classes we were talking about cup half empty/full and i just thought about you. i won’t argue that i see the cup half empty but you were there to help me see the cup half full. you made me a better person and i love you for that. don’t get me wrong i can still be my own person, i just like knowing you are by my side. there is so much i wish i could tell you but i know the best thing for you is to move forward and all i want of the best for you. i have to let you move on as much as it kills me. my thoughts are still circling there are things i never got to say so i made a playlist “words i can’t say” i just wish i had the courage to just send you that link but at the end of the day i’m never going to be able say everything i want to say which is why i’m going to start journaling. welcome to my journal and my journey of overcoming heart break.