Sometimes my heart breaks for my daughter because she struggles so hard in social situations. She comes across as someone who is outgoing and confidant. She acts like nothing is bothering her. And she is usually smiling and super friendly around other people. But even at 8 she knows how to put on a mask. She has ADHD, Autism, Sensory Processing Disorder and Anxiety. So her struggles are invisible to most. You can’t see anything physical. And she is the brightest kid with the biggest heart. But the invisible obstacles do cause her pain. Maybe not physical but the pain is there.
It makes my heart hurt when she struggles at a Girl Scout event because it’s too loud, there are too many people and it’s just too much. When she is overwhelmed she cries. And then she feels embarrassed by the crying. But it’s her way of dealing with everything happening around her. I thank my lucky stars every day for the friends of hers that know her, love her and support her. The friends that see she is struggling and make her laugh and include her in everything even when she struggles to know what to do or say in social situations. I am so thankful for my parent friends who see her having a moment and do everything they can to help her and make her feel loved.
There are days when I don’t understand her. There are so many moments where I am frustrated with her and I don’t have the patience. And I hate myself in those moments. Because if I am frustrated I can’t even imagine how it feels to be her. I try to see things from her perspective when I am frustrated, when I am stressed or when I am losing patience with her. But I’m human. I can’t always control myself. And I find myself yelling more than I’d like. And then I feel guilty for not being more understanding. It’s a circle that goes around and around. I always tell her I’m sorry for losing it and she understands. But I wish I handled things better all the time.
She’s amazing. I am amazed by her each and every day. She struggles with invisible obstacles but she tries so hard. She loves so hard. She smiles so hard. I often look at everything she struggles with and I wonder if I could have handled it at her age. She is so strong. She is so smart. Everyone tells me that. And I know I have an amazing kid. And the struggles she has makes her who she is. And she is lucky to have friends that GET her. Friends that look past the meltdowns, the awkwardness, the odd behavior, the crying fits, the stoicism, the obsessiveness about certain topics and the occasional know it all attitude. I love that she has kind hearted friends who see her for the awesome kid she is.
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