I don't think I woke up today until one pm. I've been working myself to death. Saturday mornings are the one day a week I let myself sleep in, and I took full advantage.
Later in the evening the roommate and I were both bored, so we went out to dinner. I wanted to buy some perfume at Sephora, so we ended up at the mall. Molly Woo's (Asian fusion, very good, somewhat pricey) sounded good and I definitely overindulged. I only eat there once, maybe twice a year so why not?
Afterward we tried a nearby bar. The bar we used to go to all the time changed management and now they have a DJ on Saturday nights. I hate loud music. The only thing worse than a loud speaker is live music. So, we've given up on the place, at least for Saturday nights. Every other place we've tried out has been a bust. So we went back to a bar we tried four or five months ago. When we went back then, it was full of old people. Tonight, there were almost no people there and they just had the standard jukebox, so we stayed. And actually had a really good time. People were playing Irish music and I have a soft spot for bagpipes.
Around 10:30, R texted me and asked if I wanted to come out with her and her fiance. They were at a gay bar downtown. I've never been to an official gay bar. I knew roomie was tired and didn't really want to go, but he kept insisting (I think just for my benefit...he's kind of a very thoughtful friend). He drove, and we got there just before 11:15. Which is so, so late for me to be going out. Usually it's when I'm going to bed. We only planned on staying for one drink, because it was loud and there were some very, very drunk people there and that's not my thing. But it was nice to be invited out, you know?
Well, as I finished my first drink, R bought me a second. So I felt obligated to stay. And then she blurted out, "I can't be okay with you being in an office. I'm angry. Sorry, I'm just being honest." And I was floored. I gave her this look like, "I don't know what to do with that." Seriously, when I told her about it she genuinely seemed happy for me. I believed it. I was so relieved, and that's why I decided to move earlier than I had initially intended. And now she tells me how she's really pissed. And she kept saying, "it's not your fault..." I wanted to respond with, yeah, it's not my fault, this is a good thing for me. I get it's hard for her, but I didn't promote myself, I didn't make the decision for her not to pass exams and not get promoted.
So I sat there awkwardly for a few seconds and then the roomie kind of blew up at her. Telling her that was a really shitty thing to say to someone and that she was being a really unsupportive so-called friend. I was embarrassed, but truthfully it was great of him to say it. I would never have the guts.
She was probably too drunk to even really remember it. And I hope she doesn't, because I don't know how to act around her now on Monday when I'm in my office and she can't be okay with it. If I had known, I would have waited a while to move. But now it's done and I can't really undo it.
I'm not angry that she's hurt by this. I'd be hurt too. I'm a little hurt that she lied to me about how she felt and insisted things were fine, and then once I finally gave in and moved my things, she decided to tell me. She invited me out to a bar, just to tell me how unhappy she is for me. I know it stings, but why can't she keep those feelings to herself? Why does she have to try to bring me down? My success isn't at the expense of hers.
I wish I didn't feel so crappy about it.
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