Since my last entry regarding Torrii, everything was going great, spent damn near every day together. New Years even we spent together just chilled and she slept, woke up. Went to let the dogs out and even discussed when id come back....just for 6 hours later her to tell me she doesnt love me any more or want to be with me..
Ive had a lot of time to think about it, even though I knew it was coming, it doesnt hurt less. However, beinf able to reflect back on our relationship, she never reslly loved me, cared for me yes. If she did love me she would have been honest abput Sharrod, and if she did love me she wouldnt have started talking to that kid end of September, beginning of October while she was still living with me, cominf put to the cottage. There was three weeks we didnt speak. If she really loved me she wouldnt have been able to just jump to someone else.
It makes me wonder if i had never cheated on her would she still have talked to that kid, would she have ever told me the truth about Sharrod. Either way, her actions speak louder then her words. I love and miss her, but i love my self more, and over the past few weeks/days (since she ended it again) Ive realized i love my self to much to allow her to tear me down like this. I wish she had been honest about Sharrod, maybe I would have moved past it and not cheated. Either way i was looking for validation and attention in others, i felt like i just wasn’t going to be enough. I shouls have been enough for my self, and walked away. Most of the days good, the worst is when i wake up, or go to fall asleep. The way she cuddled into me, laid on my chest, and reached for me…the way her hair smelled, and even her morning breath. Idk how i fell, but I did. Some cry at love songs shit. Someone, some day will love me and make me feel this way, and it will be genuine, no lying no guys making me feel inferior. Until then, the pups make me feel invincible.
Rest of my life to be continued....
Work calls.
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