Chapter 2 in Mental chaos

I love you so much and a huge part of me knows that you love me too. So why do you make it so hard for me love you? You’re right our age gap can cause anxieties between us but why can’t we just figure it out along the way? You’re afraid that one day I’ll wake up and want someone my age but the truth is I feel the same way about you. Our insecurities come between what could be and I hate it. I want YOU and a part of me feels like you want me just as bad so please stop running and just love me the way you were loving me before. Wait I take back the last sentence, I want you to love me harder than you did before,I want you to trust that we can make it work. I’ve messed up and I’ll admit it over and over again and I’m trying to make it work but maybe you don’t want the same but your mixed signals are throwing me off.

Tell me what I want to hear
Tell me that you love me,tell me that you miss me, tell me that you need me more than I need you,ask me to stay PLEASE I beg you. I need to know that you’re still here.

The phone calls and text messages aren’t doing any justice for me. I want to feel your hands against my skin,I want to feel your lips press against my forehead, I want to hear your laugh,I want to see those big blue eyes look at me,I want to hear the words “I love you” come from those soft perfect lips,I want to see you’re perfectly imperfect smile,I want YOU!

Why can’t you see that? I choose you,I love you! Isn’t that enough for you to stay? Isn’t that enough for you to want me the same way I want you?

You can’t just tell me you love me and that you want to marry me and then just leave me,but you did and that’s the part that hurts. I can’t help but think that maybe you didn’t actually mean the words you spoke. Maybe you never loved me,maybe I was just someone or something to help you get past the pain you were feeling and I let you. I let you use me because I believed every word you ever spoke.

I don’t know how to feel without you here,I don’t know how to just get up and move on and it sucks. This is my fault it has to be.
You’re perfect to me and you’ll always be. I can’t imagine being with anyone else. Every time I close my eyes I get flashbacks of all the moments we’ve spent together,I re-read all the text messages,replay all the voicemails,I just,I just can’t move on.

I love you so much it hurts and maybe I’m crazy for loving you and choosing you but I can’t help it.

Please come back to me

I need you