16DEC2019 in Sergeant's Log

(1) Still sick. Showed up to the office anyhow. I work in international logistics and catching up work and emails is a non-negotiable in this industry. Holy shit was it hard getting sorted this morning though! Took some soul searching. It was probably dangerous for my to drive honestly. After I finished up with what I needed to do at the office I went to MedExpress Urgent Care… They wanted $50 dollars just to check me in and take my vitals… I walked out instead. That is robbery. All symptoms points towards the Flu and I am not spending $50 dollars for 10 minutes of someone’s time and typical advice on how to conduct myself while being sick. Now I am home pounding water, hot tea, and ibuprofen. Repeat this tomorrow I only assume. I really need to get my emails on my phone/laptop. Have to get this cleared by our security guy ASAP.

(2) The gym. Still hoping to make it to the gym by at least Friday to meet my goal. I feel like a bag of ass for not being consistent with this. I use to love working out so much, but it seems like I have lost most motivation for pushing myself though that kind of pain. Getting older? Giving less of a shit? Losing discipline? Not enjoying the gym I go to? Or not enjoying other parts of my life? Probably all of the above.

(3) My job. My job is really interesting and it is a privilege to work where I do. When I think about my job, I believe that I enjoy it. However, the day-to-day is grinding me down. I suppose I like the idea of my job, but I hate actually doing it most days. I do not know if the office life is for me (though I do travel a little bit). It is quite a change from my last occupation. I think I want to move towards sales.

(4) A girlfriend. I am becoming sick of sleeping with women I could not see myself in a proper relationship with. It is kind of a soul sucker really. It is fun and extremely gratifying in the moment, but that’s about it. I am busy and not the best at keep consistent communication, so the casualness seems perfect… until I consider how this impacts my life in the long term. We will see what happens. I feel like I have to take mental inventory of what I want and things that I need to improve on to sustain a good relationship.

Last updated December 16, 2019