flash friday 3-14-14 this is not skin, and I apologize ahead of time for any damage this flash might cause in Flash Friday

“… Caught him in flagrante delicti.”

“Ah ya been in one flagrante delicti ya been in em all.”

“Oy gevalt, what have you got?”

“Um, something about a fragrant deli, I ain’t as quick as y’all.”

“’Been in one been in em all’ is quick, so is instant pudding, don’t make it taste good.”

“That’s what she said.”

“Yeah, sorry, you were doing better with your mouth shut.”

“So what’d she do?”

“What d’ye mean what’d she do? She shot him in the nuts.”

“There just has to be a fragrant deli joke in there somewhere.”

“I’m making a donut run, anyone want anything?”

The room went quiet and stale. The rookies looked to the vet. Joe looked at his shoes, sam just looked at me with as painful an expression as a man getting ready to laugh can have.

“Jesus you guys. No punchline, dunkin’ donuts, it’s on third and applegate, like two blocks. I’m getting a fucking cruller, do you want anything?” I said it again slower hitting my chest with the back of my wrist “Do You Want Any Ting?”

“Oh, oh, she said ‘this is not skin.” The rookie laughed at himself.

“Yeah, apple fritter.”

“Cruller.”

“Just get a box of crullers.”

“Heh, ‘this is not skin’.”

“Shut up.”

Ok, this probably sucks; I’m not going to read it. Yeah, that’s the kind of prick I am, I should have led with that. There was some madness to my method, and today was a clusterfuck of time. Time got all tangled in a whole lot of do nothing that wasn’t even invited but crashed the gates anyhow.

It’s a little late in the day to bitch about it; it’s the cow crying over the milk some kid spilt during Mondays lunch. Cows pretty much don’t give a fuck, they are as cool a customer as a mammal gets, hell, every last one of them wears leather year round. But even if a cow gave a fuck over milk it’d be long before it got into the carton. I was trying to see how many distinct voices I could make in mostly dialogue. I guess distinct isn’t the right word, I mean, like the cow says, the group is homogenous (that’s a little homogenized humor for your respective asses). But, you know, dialogue with multiple parties without scratching of the head and the mouthing of dreaded W’s T’s and F’s, especially f’s.

See, without reading it I know it worked cause I heard it in my head. If I read it I probably couldn’t keep that lovely little fantasy. What? Sure it’s a lovely little fantasy, I mean comparatively, most of my fantasies are big and beautiful and I can’t type when I have em. Oh, yeah, I’m not ever going to read that sentence. I don’t have filters, I just redact as I go.

If I were going to pretend there was a point to any of this and I was feeling extra didactic, I’d go with; if you can’t fuck with flashes what can ya fuck with? I have a mad scientist lab down in the basement now to make my evil juices, so the keyboard is the only thing in the attic that can do experiments. Just remember as you curse me in your prayers tonight (e.g. Oh, yeah, and Jesus …? Wouldja mind smiting Haredawg Drools, just a little? I know you don’t get to the box much Jesus, but Christ, you should have seen that happy horseshit he wrote today, there oughtta be a commandment.) I just wrote it, you’re the evil bastard (or bitch, respectively) what read it.