Learning to love. in 2019

Terrified because of the things I’ve seen from those around me. I never intentionally went looking for love. Loving was never something I would have considered myself good at. In fact the reality of giving someone that kind of hold of my emotions for them genuinely did scare me. Because in the relationships I had seen, it was always used as more of a weapon or a one up. When arguments would happen it was always a ” I know this is your weakness so I’ll play it to my advantage” I guess you could say that the examples of love I was shown weren’t healthy. So I managed to some how lose the good side of love and only focus on protecting my self from the possibilities of relationships going bad. Never 100% putting my all into it.