Maybe not tonight in Don't be asking

I’m not so sure that tonight is going to happen. I would like to say that I’m a combination of disappointed and relieved, but mostly it’s disappointment.

I’ve talked and texted with Bike Guy several times this week and I really enjoy our conversations, but every time I try to get some specifics from him about where and when we should meet tonight, he always blows me off and says he’ll get back to me about it. I don’t really know what that means. It seems like it would be easy enough to just say a place and time.

After my husband went to bed on Wednesday night, I stayed up late and talked to Bike Guy for a long time. I guess you could say we had phone sex. I don’t know if people still use that phrase. It’s the first time I’d done something like that since I’ve been married and it felt naughty, but it all the right ways.

Yesterday while we were preparing food for Thanksgiving, I reminded my husband that I had plans to see Bike Guy today and told him I didn’t really know what would happen. I asked him what he would be OK with. He didn’t seem to have an answer so I asked if it was OK if we kissed and he said yes.

I asked if it would be OK if I gave him a blowjob, he hesitated only slightly and then said yes. So I went even further. Why not? I asked if it’s OK if he had sex. Same slight hesitation, and then he said yes. I was a little surprised, but not really. We’ve talked about this for years. Although I know it’s different when it’s actually a real possibility.

That’s a memory that will stick with me though. Standing in my kitchen on Thanksgiving and having my husband give me permission to have sex with another man. Although honestly I don’t think I’d have sex with Bike Guy the first time I see him. But, maybe.

I haven’t completely abandoned all hope that tonight will happen, but I’m becoming less optimistic as time passes.