My favorite hobby is the acquisition of new ones. Some stick, some don’t, but I still hoard them–the satisfaction of knowing them, rather–like I’m a dragon. Since I turned 30 I’ve picked up quite a few that NEVER interested me as a kid. I realized the common theme: They come with the That’s Not Very Ladylike package:
- You can’t wear pants on Chapel Wednesday
- You can’t ______ in a dress!
- You’re filthy!
- What are you doing in that tree?
It also comes with bonus Forget about Your Natural Gifts accessories:
- Emotions are for girls; thoughts are for boys
- Boys have math brains; girls have language brains
My girls love dresses. I imagine that’s partly because I don’t force them to wear them, and I have them wear shorts or leggings underneath. And then they can cartwheel all they want, whenever they want, if that’s what their little pack of feral friends is also doing. I’m fairly sure both leggings and shorts existed in the 80s and early 90s, so I don’t know how this was a problem at all.
I exonerate my parents because I don’t remember them ever using the “ladylike” admonition. I don’t remember them being overly concerned with how I dressed up, either, so long as it was respectable and appropriate. Mostly I blame the private school I went to. It was a horrible place. Part of that was that bullying wasn’t really a concern yet. I was never beat up; it was all verbal or just straight-up shunning. But they also subscribed to some of the worst (un)Christian ideas about women. I wish I could go back in time with my current level of confidence and show up as Jael with a bloody tent peg and hammer for Hallowee– er, Fall Festival.
I read a blog post a few years back stating that the high frequency of knee injuries among female soccer players was proof that we shouldn’t play soccer. It made me so angry that I still kind of fume over it. There are people who really think this way. Let’s walk through a little girl’s life:
- Infant: Tummy time! So important for muscle development and motor skills! Get that tummy time in even she screams like you’re boiling her alive!
- Toddler: Play outside! Get her used to different textures–grass, dirt, everything! Crawl around on the floor! Toddlers need to move!
- Preschool: Race her around the playground! Get her climbing all over it! Her brain needs the stimulation!
- Elementary: Oooh, don’t squat down on the ground like that, sweetie. Climbing that tree isn’t very ladylike. Here, sit down and sew something. Cross your legs.
- Middle School and Beyond: Yeah, you don’t want to lift weights. You might scandalized whisper get BIG.
Yes, I can’t imagine why knee problems are common among women, other than the inherent weakness of our defective female bodies.
I’m sure that, just like I did, my kids will absorb messages from the culture outside our family, but I’m hopeful that things have changed enough that they won’t be quite so stifling. If they grow up and hate sewing or cooking, I want it to be because they actually hate sewing.
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