What a week it's been. This week I:
Had a great gig with Junji and some other musicians at an Italian restaurant, attended by my boss (for the first time!) and co-workers. such warm feelings!
Managed to fall off my bike on my way from the gig to another event, and seriously sprained my ankle. I'm in crutches and splint. :(
Gave a 90 minute speech about my life, my culture, and my upcoming move to Bolivia.
Hosted a benefit concert for the Bolivia move, with many musician friends and lots of feelings of love.
Cried maybe 6 times, in front of all different people. Cried about leaving, cried from being in pain, cried because I'm leaving, cried because of feeling overwhelmed and loved, cried because of leaving, cried because of gratitude.
Needless to say, this has been a week of ups and downs. I'm feeling pretty bummed out about my injury, though I know it could have been a lot worse. I'm really lucky it wasn't worse and I know that. But the timing still sucks. I'm pretty limited in my mobility, so that means a whole lot of hanging out at home. I want to get out and do my regular outings with friends, but also just do regular things I love to do like ride my bike around Ibaraki and take in all the beauty of it. We're having some really beautiful days and I want to be out there in them. I want to enjoy everything I can about this place and these people because I'm really getting into the final countdown here, and I really don't know how long it will be before I come back here. Or if I do come back, weather it will feel the same.
A moment only is what it is for that moment, and then it's gone. I think that's what I'm really struggling with and where all the tears are coming from. I know I can always come back here. I know there are great things waiting for me in the future. I know there will be more friends and love and life and memories made in the next stages of my life, and they are going to be amazing and wonderful, too. But THIS PLACE. THESE PEOPLE. I don't want to let them go. I know they will be with me in my memory, and even perhaps again in my future. But that doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye.
It's an emotional time. I'm grateful for the people who are so understanding and patient and supportive as I prepare to make this transition, which, no doubt, will be a difficult one.
I have to remind myself, I have had some hard goodbyes before. When Bryan moved away. The end of JMU. The end of City Year. The end of sharing a house with Katie and seeing her every day. This one isn't necessarily going to be any harder than those things. I think what makes it seem that way is that I came off of such a difficult year before this one, and so all the good that came to me here has been so significant and healing.
I will do my best to be grateful, and remember that life is full of good things, and there is much more good to come. I will do my best to hold on to the things I have learned here, and keep them close to my heart. And I will do my best to let myself feel what I'm feeling and know that it is good.
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