Broken in Random_Thoughts

How can you explain to someone what’s wrong when you don’t even know yourself?
How can you try and make someone believe you are okay when you can’t even believe it yourself?
I believe it is impossible to decipher what goes on in one’s mind and soul when broken.
There are so many pieces that just won’t fit and some are so small and goes missing.
All those little missing pieces makes a larger impact than what you think it makes.
Sometimes I wonder if the whole world just doesn’t feel like it is absolutely broken and torn into pieces and just acts normal.
With al the faking no one will ever be able to actually know.
Know if it is okay to ever feel alone, to ever feel like you are broken, to ever feel like you don’t matter, to ever feel like a failure, to ever feel absolutely useless, to ever feel like a total stranger, to ever feel like there is no way out of a hellish life, to feel lost and like no one really cares about you.
Do you ever just understand why others jump off the roof or in front of that train, do you understand why they kick the chair away and cut deeper and deeper, do you understand why they pull the trigger or swallow those pills....
It’s scary to understand, it’s scary to feel that way, it’s scary to want to be that brave, it’s scary to envy those that had the courage to do what they did to make the pain go away, it’s scary to be at the ledge or see the blood or hold the gun or to stop at the very last second.