i broke up with my long term bf of 7 years over commitment issues. we were trying for a government apartment and he bailed out on me last minute with a no show. i remember our appt was for 9.00 am that morning and i waited till 8.30 am at home and when he didn't show up, i headed to work and cried my guts out at my cubicle.
i was so ready to commit myself to housing and marriage with him. for most of the things, he was my soul-mate and we went through many things together as we practically grew up together making the transition from school to work and enjoyed each others company with our mutual love for travel and camping.
perhaps that was why i was so angry at him for what i saw is his lack of commitment to wanting more. perhaps i was too anxious. we were, after all only 24 and just started working for the first few years. but i thought i had found THE one i wanted to spend the rest of my life with and the pain of the rejection that maybe he didn't think the same...was just too much to bear for me to continue.
i found a rebound man very quickly when i exited the r/s. but then again, i gave him a few chances, i wanted him to FIGHT for us but he didn't. we still saw each other at times and he hinted shamelessly that we should get back but my pride held. i didn't SEE it in him that he wanted commitment for us.
i got married at 27 and went thru the motions of housing. my hubby is a good man. he spent a lot of his time and effort in our 1st project, our home and i saw the depths of his hardworking nature here. i had my 1st kid at 30 and the next at 32.
as i respected my hubby, i stopped communicating with my ex but our mutual friends updated me occasionally on his whereabouts. he remained single for many years and one thing he told me struck true, that he would never need to find someone else after what we had shared.
over time, my marriage hit rocky times as my husband's constant bad temper plus the fact that apart from the kids, we didn't have very much in common and our worlds rotated separately. his hobbies and interests differed from mine, yet we were too independent to drop our hobbies for mutual ones.
he is a reliable partner, sticking with me with my daughter's medical issues and making time to be a part of her treatment process. most of the times when i need him, he is supporting me. but after 7 years of marriage, i have to agree that we are too different to ever be soul-mates.
sometimes i wonder after the kids grow up, will i find love again ? my thoughts go back to my ex as he is the only one who seemed to understand me best.
yesterday, my ex posted a pic of himself and his beloved grandma and a lady beside them. she should be his new love as his grandma is his closest and dearest person to him. something inside me felt terrible. yes, it shouldn't be. after all it took 9 years for him to find love again. i should be happy.
i have no right to be unhappy as my life went on and why shouldn't his ? he has every right to love again.
but God knows its not so easy to let go........
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