What do you expect? in Give Me Mercy and a Minute now. I'm a bleed a little poison out.

So, if you are reading this you probably have heard about B. I have tried very hard to convince myself to not write about her again. But lo and behold...here we are.

So apparently 2 weeks ago...I thought it was only 1, her and I got into an argument...again. This argument sprouted out of her being petty and spiteful, because I withheld a bit of information from her. I told her that I had my eyes on someone other than her, and of course she wanted to know who. So, I didn't want to tell her, because I haven't had the best of luck (clearly) lately, and I didn't want to jynx it. What does she do? She sends a picture of her kissing this douchebag that she goes from liking one moment to being annoyed by the next. This dude went psycho and pulled some "Ill kill myself" type shit after like a few weeks to a month of them dating...Oh and she started to mention some serious things from her past to the dude, and he talked about himself...so that's always a great sign. But anyway, I've cared about this chick for years. And she knew that sending me that picture would fucking hurt. So she sent it out of petty spite because I told her I didn't want to tell who I had my eyes on because I didn't want to jynx it. At least I had a reason. At least I told her about it at all. And then in the following argument a lot of shit gets said. Eventually she says some shit like "Don't piss me off" Which just lit my fuse. I went off. Anyway, it ends with her asking me to delete her and leave her alone and shit. So she rolled out again. Over something soooo fucking petty that SHE did.

Anyway...two weeks later...This afternoon I get a message..."I miss you"....If you didn't connect the dots...it was from B. So, you come back...after behaving like that...with "I miss you" No shit you miss me...I'm the best guy that's ever been in your life, and you've overlooked me and my greatness for years. You never seem to appreciate me, until you walk away and I don't chase after. So, anyway....she messages me and I say damn near nothing, because why the fuck should I. So she has to go to work or whatever and apparently she said she wanted to talk to me later, but had to go to work so she was gonna message me when she got home. And to my surprise she did. And guess what...more lots of nothing for the first while. A bunch of "I have so much I wanna say, but dont know how" "I hate this" ("This" being us being distant...mainly me. lol) Oh and I forgot....after she said she missed me, i said everyone does when they bail on me. She told me to not be cocky then had to state "I'm sure you missed me too" I said "And I'm the cocky one?" She tried to play off it "I get it from you" i brushed it off, and she claimed the convo was pointless....I asked what she expected she didnt know....she ends up saying she just was hoping I missed her too...to which I said it's been like a week, and she had bailed on me for 8 months why would a week bother me...turns out its been 2 weeks and that bothered her that I thought it was a week "You tried to say not even a week...like really? has time flown by that fast for you?" I had to respond :Is time flying a bad thing? Did it feel sooo long to you?" She said it doesnt matter. ...So clearly it bothered her that I didn't count the days that she was gone. And I'm sorry but that frustrates the hell out of me.

She claims sooo much that I am just a friend to her, but she gets jealous...can't stand the thought of me and someone else....She hates even the hint that she isn't the center of my affection. She bails and always comes back....in arguments she talks a big game about not needing me and all this shit about how I'm lucky she kept me around...oh that..she said that in the argument...I got mad and said something along the lines of "I'm lucky...no no no you're lucky I found you. I've benefited your life far more than you've benefited mine. I'm the best thing to have walked into your life." any way she talks that big game about how im lucky and how she doesnt need me, and then everytime she walks away...she comes crawling back. She can't stand going very long without talking or saying anything. She hates me being distant. She gets upset late at night...she turns to me. Something big and bad happening...who does she turn to...who does she lean on...who (and I quote) "The world could be crumbling around me and just talking to you makes everything ok" Okay that may not be the exact quote...but she said pretty much that exact thing. She claims all this negative shit and claims that I am just her friend, but I am telling you that is a load of shit. I dont understand why she refuses to give a me and her a chance, but she does. Her step mother...asked her not too long ago..."Why aren't you dating Kyle, every time your phone goes off it's him and youre smiling at your phone." (something along those lines) I dont understand her....Oh and there's the whole Queen of Hearts and Hockey Jersey thing. She sent me a picture one time with the caption "A guys shirt on a naked womans body is like a flag on a conquered fortress" To which i told her about one of my exes wearing my hockey jersey that has my name on it...she got jealous...guess who currently is in possession of one of my custom jerseys? Her. I bought a King and Queen of Hearts matching necklaces awhile ago, intended for a gal I was involved with...but that's beside the point. I kept it and wear the King one almost always....the queen one i have kept because that to me is a symbol of the person i love. And she is fully aware of what that necklace means...guess who never takes that queen of hearts necklace off...

This chick does not make sense...and it is infuriating. So currently she is working on finding the words to say that she wants to say...or what ever....and after that I am going to ask her a few questions... Questions like....So you've been upset and missing me...have you talked to anyone about it? How about the [douchebag/dude she was kissing in earlier mentioned picture]? So you couldnt even talk to him about being missing me? How about [her best female friend]? No? Okay, so why am I this kept secret? Or can you not talk to them about me? Why cant you? Do you not trust them? Are you self conscious about caring about me? Or are you worried she will see what I see and knock some sense in to you? How do you plan to have a relationship with someone you can't talk about your feelings to? Promising huh.

Relationships are supposed to be built off of a strong foundation. You should trust them, be honest with them, be willing to open up to them, and they should respond with compassion and openness back. Not talking about themselves. They should be there for you and you for them. You lean on each other. They are supposed to make you forget the pain without having to do much. Or if not forgetting the pain...share the weight. So tell me....can this douchebag do that? Or am I just going to be kept around to hold up that end of the relationship....being the boyfriend without actually being the boyfriend.

I don't know what else to say.... I guess I may post again later after she sends me what she wanted to say....

I work tomorrow...so I need to sleep.

King out.