I head back to work next week. I’m meeting with my principal on Thursday to go over the music department events for the year and discuss improvements to be implemented.
I’m not ready to go back. I’ve only started to really think about work in the last couple of weeks. My summer conference was great and I’m so glad I went. I got a new book about being a successful orchestra director that is full of awesome information. I’ve got one more chapter I’m going to read before school starts and then read specific teaching chapters as I come across those techniques and issues. But being an orchestra director is only a small part of my job and it feels like I’m going to have a very difficult year this year.
The third teacher we hired last year got a new job. Basically, she didn’t work out because she had 3 different investigations out on her about verbal abuse towards the kids. My principal told her at the end of the year that they weren’t going to fire her, but she needed to find a new job. So she did. Then, I find out my colleague and good friend John (who teaches the middle school and band…we’ve been friends going on 12 years and have worked together for 3) was looking for a new job upstate. Last year he moved upstate and bought a house. Shortly after, his wife became pregnant and they’re due September 15 (so basically any time from now until then). He interviewed a week ago and only told me about the interview when the other teacher told us she was officially leaving. So if he gets this job, I’m the only music teacher for 800 students, 2 musicals, and 6 performing groups. It’s an impossible job alone. So basically, if he gets this job I’m fucked and so is my school. My principal is not very happy with him, since he said he was coming back in June and then changed his mind, leaving her in a very bad spot. She told him he could take a leave of absence or resign. So I’m not even sure what he’s doing. He hasn’t secured the other job yet, so he might be coming back.
This is all giving me terrible anxiety about the beginning of the year. I was already nervous about creating a feasible pumping schedule, since I’m still breastfeeding (almost 3 full months! I’m so proud of us!) and getting up a couple times each night. Now I’m worried i might be the only music teacher, at least for awhile. Plus even if he stays, he’s going to be out on paternity leave for a few weeks once the baby arrives, so I’m not sure what’s happening for that. Everything is just so unpredictable right now, I don’t know what to do.
They’re also going to make his year terrible if he stays. That’s a weird thing about administrators (at least from my experience)…if they don’t want you at their school, but don’t have grounds to fire you, they will make your life hell until you just leave on your own. So I’ll have to listen to that shit if he stays. I’m gonna have to talk to him about keeping that to a minimum with me.
I’m just not ready to not be with my baby. I’ve left her with the babysitter or my husband for a couple of hours before and I have enough milk in the freezer…but I’m just not ready to be away from her all day. Thursday will be my test run I guess. I’m gonna go in for my meeting in the morning and then hopefully I can stay and put together my classroom. I have no idea what my room looks like, since I didn’t clean it up. If I can get that together Thursday, then next week I can focus on the stage.
Send good vibes my way. Gotta go. Baby is up from her nap.
~mana~
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