Shit doesn't get easier after 30. It gets way more fucking serious. in A little left of normal

So, another beautiful day here in New England. Today I woke up to the magnificent sound of… a saw cutting through concrete. Just… great. That is loud as fuck. 7am! Wtf. Right outside the house. I guess they’re replacing all the natural gas lines in our neighborhood but FFS… they love storing their fucking equipment right on our corner no matter where they’re working. And for some reason they get there at like 6am, making a shitload of noise, and by 10am they’re gone? Like done for the day until like 1pm when they start back up again?

Dillholes.

That said, if I didn’t have a baby, I wouldn’t care because I’d be up anyway, but seriously what the fuck with the hour. Obviously important work but it’s been going on for nearly 3 weeks now.

In other news… our baby is still ridiculously adorable.

So that’s nice.

We went over to our friend’s house last night- it’s nice that they have a baby too - only 2 weeks ahead of us! Crazy, but nice that they can totally relate to just about everything we go through. Originally I didn’t like that they were 2 weeks ahead because it was almost like our milestones were then not as important? Now that the kiddos are born though, and every baby develops at a different rate, it doesn’t feel that way. She’s such a strong baby already - already rolled over. I’ll call them the Bears.

Our other friends joined us a few hours later- another married couple. We’ll call them the Reds. The Reds bought a house last year like 4 houses up from the Bears, and my husband and I are 2 blocks away- very much within walking distance. Originally the Bears bought their house, my husband bought his not being super close with the Bears yet. A few years later the Reds bought theirs. All of us are friends- I was originally great friends with Mr. Bear and Mr. Red because we all worked together as engineers. Before Mr Red met Mrs Red and I hadn’t met my husband yet either, a few of us took a trip to Peru together to check out Macchu Picchu. It was awesome!

I bet you can see why I call him Mr Red? I’m on the left, and two more of our friends are in the back. It was a hella good time. Mr Bear and I also have pictures together but suffice it to say the point I’m trying to make here is that we’re super close friends- all 3 married couples of us. We go camping together, we work (ed) together, rented cabins together etc.

So, when Mrs Bear and I found out we were both pregnant at the same time- it was super joyous. We couldn’t believe it was happening so close together! The Reds were a little disappointed because they wanted to start a family too, but had to wait out the 6 month time period for Zika, as they had honeymooned in Mexico.

That said, as soon as the 6 months was up, they got pregnant too! Holy shit everything was coming together! Our kids would go to school together! We’d all have kids at the same time! When Mrs. Bear went back to her job in August, Mrs. Red was going to pop so I’d always have mom company!

Then, tragedy struck.

A few weeks after I give birth, we find out that Little Red has died in-utero.

It’s… fucking awful. Everyone is devastated. I try not to cry in front of the Reds.

I had just offered Mrs. Red some post-partum items that I never used because I had a c-section instead of the vaginal birth I was planning. Like Dermoplast, old lady diapers, huge pads, etc.

Mrs Red has to birth her deceased Little Red and then say goodbye. I… can’t even imagine doing that. She was so happy. We were all so happy.

Mrs Red comes by for those things after finding out, because she now has to give birth next week at only like 22 weeks. Its heartbreaking. I manage to not cry the entire time Mrs Red is there. She bursts into tears and thanks me for the pads. I keep my shit together until the moment she leaves. Then I burst into tears.

Christ. Tough times.

After the procedure we stop by to pointedly not talk about the thing we’re all trying to not talk about, but Tom (my husband) and I don’t have a sitter. So I have to bring my baby over there in front of them, as they wanted all of us over to just fill in some of the silence in their house and distract them. Its… terrible. I feel terrible.

Now the we and the Bears have these healthy babies and the Reds don’t. They might have a genetic issue that stops them from ever having them. No one ever saw this coming, and it’s heartbreaking and also awkward for us since we have no sitter, we always have our baby with us. Which they never resent and they totally understand… I just feel latent guilt? Over something I had no control over. But still.

Get togethers are more… I don’t know. Serious? Because serious shit has happened in all of our lives now.

Shit doesn’t get easier after 30. It gets way more fucking serious.