I apology in advance for my bad english and my poor writing skills, I just felt the urge to write what happens in my life to vent a little bit.
So i’m Biscuits, i’m 21 and i think i’m depressed. You might think i’m an other young person that has anxiety issues and you’d be right, i have anxiety over pretty much anything and it fucking kills me.
I’ve always been a loser, since my childhood, i was that fat little kid that you had as a friend and which you secretly made fun of, the ugliest guy you could have in your school. At that time i didn’t care, i thought it was ok, that was how i am.
I kept going but got more and more realist, by the time i joined middle school i was already afraid of judgement of my peers, i had friends that kept trying to get me in a relationship with random girls and it didn’t go well, at all. I lost all my self confidance (that i never retrieved) as a girl rejected me in a pretty rude way, i mean, i didn’t ask anything and i got shamed for my ugliness, listen to me when i tell you that no kid deserves that, i’ll never forget the embarrassment.Thinking about it, i’m glad i had (and still have) good friends at that time because it already felt like hell everyday. Puberty hit hard, got acnee obviously, was as talkative as a spoon so i stayed alone, it was better this way. I never got in a relationship if you wondered, but i’ve always thought of how awesome it must be to love someone and get love in return, i’m jealous of people that are in love.
Now i’m an adult, but i’m immature so let’s say i’m a grown up kid. I lost some weight and got a little bit muscular but i still feel like shit, beside the fact that i’m the clown of my group of friend, the kind of guy that always crack a joke, funny or not, i try to make people laugh so i feel like they accept me but deep inside i hate every atom of myself.
I wake up everyday wondering why i’m still alive and i know for a fact that someday i’ll kill myself, not now though, i’m too much of a pussy to do it.
If you read all this i hope you didn’t get empathy for me, i deserve all of that i guess, i don’t do anything to change so i must deserve it, right ?
I’m Biscuits, fuck my life
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