...and i still need to finish 3 lesson plans for the upcoming week and send them to my field supervisor. i cant do them right now because im babysitting. the little girl i babysit for every weekend is playing by herself with her figurines. shes been content playing there by herself for about a half an hour. i got some reading done for class and decided to write in here for a bit.
side note: the girl i babysit is 4 going on 5. shes a little developmentally delayed (speech and fine motor mostly). she started going to the potty all on her own about a month or 2 ago. right now, she looks like she has to poop, but she wont go. crossing her legs, breathing heavy at times, etc. not sure if shes just having gas or what, but sometimes when she needs to go, she'll play alone until she absolutely has to. i wonder why kids do that! 1 thing i just cant seem to understand about kids (and i was one of them lol).
last night dann had a conversation with me about my job. hes concerned about how tired i am and he says i dont seem very happy with my job. he asked the big question: are you sure this is what you want to do? you're not just sticking with it because youve already invested so much time/money/energy into it? the answer is not very clear...im not completely happy with this job. it is A LOT of WORK. so much planning and thinking and prepping and managing...i get a lot of support from all of my bosses and friends and collegues, but the bulk of it is on me. i do have a slight problem over committing myself to things i want to work. i stayed with a boyfriend about a year and a half longer than i should have because i really thought we could make it work. i did 2 years with the cheerleading team i was on in college instead of 1 because i thought i could help and make it better for 1 more year. i try to stick things out and make sure its something i really dont want. ive never been a quitter, almost to a fault. so, dann is concerned. he wants to make sure im happy. seeing me exhausted and cranky every day concerns him. so, whats the answer?
the answer is im not sure yet. currently, no im not completely happy. but, it is my first year teaching. i am so lucky to be getting so much support and help. yes, i do need to ask for more help sooner (which is also a big fault of mine...i am very independent and like to figure things out on my own, which sometimes results in major problems for me) but i am supported. i am also told i am doing the right things. ive said to dann before, i would be happier if i was just teaching strings and not general music. honestly, the planning for general music is enormous. half the things i plan i end up not doing completely because of how my students act. i always have the best intentions, but in reality some things just dont work in my classroom because of behavior issues with some of my students. if i was only teaching strings and could focus all of my energy on my orchestra, i would be happy. i know how to teach strings and can pull different musical aspects out of orchestral music that my students need to know. i would also be happier if i had orchestra every day. the main thing that would make me extremely happy is to be in a school with students that behaved better. its one thing to have a handful of students with behavior problems because they actually have serious problems, but so many of my classes have students that act out just because they can. its hard to teach when youre constantly arguing with students (yes...they try to argue with me about whatever theyre doing...i have to pull the "you listen to adults" speech all the time...annoying) i dunno...
i also think this is my first year teaching and i need to give it a few years. if i can make it through the next 2 years after this one, ill be fine. ill have a better handle on what works and what doesnt. ill have a better relationship with my students (im lucky that i get to see these kids grow up and i get to teach them for multiple years instead of just one). i think after a few years, it will get easier. if not, ill have to start looking for something.
i guess its park time...even though she just pooped her pants a little...
~mana~
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