Some Very Up Downtime in Introduction

I don’t really believe in things like the ability to jinx ourselves, but I am going to tread with caution anyway and say that I feel quite happy that my life appears to be on an upswing lately.

Practice the other night went extremely well. All of the fears and nervousness instantly dissipated when I started singing my first song. It is actually very weird coming from me to say this, but right away I felt like I belonged there, and I was totally comfortable. I got great feedback from my bandmates, too, and we have already made a list of songs to try and have another practice set for next week. I do have some kinks to work out, such as the ability to hear myself well through the mic, and the fear that still exists about playing out as a band, but that’s why we practice, so I am hoping to iron those out eventually. It’s an exciting feeling, though, because even though a few friends of mine and I played around as teens, I never seriously thought I would be in a band - much less the lead vocalist… bit of a thrill for me, whether it goes anywhere or not.

Dad was supposed to be coming home this week, but due to a few adjustments that need to be made to his prosthetic, he won’t be able to until next week at the earliest. This too is actually good news, because I needed more time to try to get things together for him. This will give me the allowance I need to make his return home as wonderful as possible. For that to happen, I need to make a little bit more money first.

Finances have been very tight for me lately, since the kids’ father is once again (no surprise here) MIA and refusing to pay child support for them, so it’s of course all on me to provide, which is nothing new. It’s not even a lot of money - less than he spends in cigarettes alone in a month. Honestly it isn’t even about the money anymore… I can manage and have done so for all of these years without his help. I am just totally annoyed that he has these amazing children and just neglects them in every way. He will text them maybe once a month, and maybe take them for pizza or whatever, and I don’t prevent it. I figure I already won, if there was a contest at all, as far as being the parent who steps up and does their part. I don’t need to punish my children by projecting my hatred for their father onto them. They know what he is (they even say he’s a terrible father - sad), but they are good people who don’t need the drama of dueling parents. Inside, though, I seethe every time he spends time with them. He probably won’t be trying to set up any meetings with them in the near future, though, since Domestic Relations issued a warrant for non-support and failure to appear in court. They took his driver’s license away, too, so that’s likely how they’ll nab him. He drives like an idiot, so it’s only a matter of time before he gets pulled over. When they run his name, that’s when the shit will hit the fan.

That’s it for now, since I have momstuff to get to, and some catching up with you all…

Last updated July 25, 2019