Explanations That Boggle The Mind (Read At Your Own Risk) in Ultimate Randomness

I warned you, but I'll warn you again. I wouldn't recommend reading this unless you a.) follow what I write and have an understanding that I don't hold back on information and b.) Can deal with disturbing personal information. That is, unless you just really need a good laugh at somebody. While what I am about to write is not necessarily funny, most anybody can take heart that they have not had to deal with some of this. So let me start with the least TMI part of this entry. If you have been reading along, you know that my wife and I were having intimacy problems before the open relationship started. There are probably a dozen reasons for it: stress from working a job I hated, depression resulting from that, some simple lack of awareness on my part. Don't get me wrong, I was deeply, madly in love with my wife and enjoyed sex when we did have it, I just didn't pursue her the way I should have. But also, we have dogs. Anyone who has dogs know how they can be. Well, all of ours slept in the bed with us. And one of them in particular is very protective of my wife. If we tried to cuddle or if I tried to touch her, he would lay down between us. If I made a move to kiss her or anything, he would get between us. If anything happened, he would try to get between us. One time while we were cuddling, he came and laid down on top of us until he pressed his way down between us. The one time I moved the dog so I could keep cuddling with my wife, the dog got out of bed and scratched at the door like he wanted to go out. When I got out of bed and turned the corner out of our room, the dog popped up and racked my nuts with his paws. When I went to get back up, he did it again. My wife found this funny and cute to no end. Every night I would have to fight with the dogs to cuddle with my wife and she made no move ever to help me. Is it really a surprise that I gave up eventually? Ah, but that is just the beginning. The other two of these are much more graphic and disturbing, so if that is too much, turn back now...

Ok, I warned you. So the first incident happened while we were still having sex on a fairly regular basis. We were fooling around in our room one day and she was going down on me. She is amazing to say the least, but I better not let my mind wander. I think I am around 70 days without sex with no conceivable end in sight. Anyway, this was one of the best ever. Problem was, the suction was a little too much for me and I felt a pop down there...Yeah, a blood vessel popped and I started bleeding. Scared me shitless. I went to get in the shower to rinse myself off and when the hot water hit it, I damn near passed out. It took about 15 minutes to feel ok again and after that, I did not touch it for over a month. I left it alone, no sex, no masturbating, no anything. Even when I decided to test it to make sure it was working, I was so scared something was going to happen that I don't think we fooled around again for a couple of months. But can you blame me for that? I would hope not. The second incident happened only last year. My wife was coming down with strep throat, though I did not know it at the time. She was not up to having sex, but she agreed to give me a blow job. Yeah, you can guess how that turned out. I got that on my dick. It looked pretty diseased too, for a couple weeks after that. Once again, scared to death. Anyone else have something like that happen to them? Please, let me know. I'm sure nobody has had anything this severe happen to them, but feel free to let me know.

Now, I am not excusing all the times when everything was fine and I didn't make a move on her. I should have stepped up and done exactly what I wanted to do all along. I loved my wife and am still in love with her and think she is one of the most beautiful women I've ever met, even if she never believed me when I would tell her that. But at the same time, I'm sure most people would understand if I had some trepidations about sexual contact. Next time I write, I hopefully can explain some of where I think our relationship went wrong, specific incidents that I have thought of and how I think they affected me, and why they happened. What my wife never seems to get is that I honestly believe that alot of what happened to us started with me. I take full blame for my part in it. But the way she talks, and since she has never stated what she feels her blame in everything is, I wonder if she truly thinks she did anything wrong. I wonder if she feels bad about anything she did or any of the times she hurt my feelings. Some of them she should know about or at least remember, some of them she may not know about, I don't know. But that will all come in the next entry. For now, good night all.