Why is it so hard to let you go? in The begining

Everytime I tell myself I am done trying with my family someone reaches out and I get excited thinking finally things will change and then I am reminded why I need to be done with all of them.

At the end of May I went to the doctors because I had a spot on my chest that suddenly grew and wasn’t itchy didn’t hurt, was just there. My husband and coworker convinced me it was probably a good idea to get it checked out. So my doctor tells me this type of cancer doesn’t spread and we will just get you to a plastic surgeon who will cut it out and it will be fine. Then she says “if it’s cancer I mean”. So I went back and forth on if I was even going to say anything to my mom and I was so distraught that I finally reached out hoping to get something from her. Well I got all of a 2 minute text conversation and she hasn’t said anything to me about it since. Not a single word. Not follow up to find out if I have gotten my appointment with the plastic surgeon, no asking me how I was doing or feeling, not a damn thing. Not sure why I am surprised this is nothing out of the ordinary with her.

We went to her house for a bbq yesterday and I am reminded that I have no relationship with my mom or sisters. My middle sister was going on about something like I should know exactly what she was talking about but nope, no one calls me and tells me anything. I try to call my mom and she just sounds annoyed that I called. I get that my sisters and I have a huge age gap (10 and 11 years) and they have the same dad but I never thought they would want nothing to do with me.

It’s like they all forget the things I have done for them, all the times I was there to pick all of them up including my mom. Not once have I ever asked any of them for anything except to have a relationship.

Ugh well let’s try this again. I am so done trying with everyone of them. I am so tired of the severe anxiety at just the thought of being with all of them. So tired of crying when yet again I am the outcast at family events. Let’s see how long I last this time.