I just don’t get it. I do not understand. We met. I was not looking to meet. But, for some reason I was feeling brave that day. I thought I should reach out and try to make friends and get to know people and make joining this class a better experience. So, I introduced myself to the group at large and asked a general question. “I love to hear from anyone who knows about x!” I hadn’t even seen you at the back of the room. But, almost immediately, you approached me and we talked. I didn’t even really look at you at first. I did my best to avoid looking you in the face like I do most people. But, you kept talking to me and I listened and I liked what I heard. We shared similar attitudes and interests and I felt heard. You were the first to offer that we thought alike, were kindred spirits. That is when I first looked at you.
We continued to talk outside of class and online at night. You kept using those same phrases - kindred spirits, etc. You kept reaching out. You told me you had no one you could talk to like you talked to me. I began to tell you things I will never tell another. You started to flirt but, you were never egregious. I began to have feelings for you. And, because I can never just sit on those things, I soon confessed it to you. You told me you had feelings too. We continued to flirt. My heart began to fill with thoughts of you.
And now, you are gone. You disappeared. From the class, from your online presence. You reached out to me and when I reached back, you vanished. Why? Because, I regret it now. I regret meeting you. I regret ever feeling brave and trying to open up to anyone. I regret looking you in the face and meeting your eyes. I regret opening up to you and being honest. I regret the day you walked into my life. I will never allow that to happen again.
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