On the present and the past in Happy trails from DE

My three days off went entirely too fast and I accomplished entirely too little.
I wanted to take bean to the beach as a special mummy and me moment but the rain wouldn’t let up so we stayed indoors.
We cleaned her room a bit, washed all the sheets from all of our beds.
I know, I know. Not very fun, mom. 
I read around 6 books on my phone and realized I’m desperate for a book book. I have to order some tonight and stop procrastinating. You’d never believe I was a capricorn, my work ethic and drive is shit. 

My first day back was.... eh, it was like I hadn’t even left. 
The worst part was today is Al’s day off so I had no one to really hang out with or talk to. 
On a normal day I finish my work so quickly I’m able to sneak an extra long reading break with no one noticing. But come 11 I have to come back for staff meeting and can’t disappear again to avoid suspicion. Instead I tag along with al to his floor and help him out. We listen to music, talk, take frequent smoke breaks. It really breaks up the time nicely. 
Al is by far my best friend at work. 
He started a year after i did and we didn’t hit it off initially… I was much too shy back then to get friendly with the new people. But we talked more and more since we both smoked and eventually became friends. I also dated his nephew briefly until he put his hands on me (bateman once told me I have a perfectly punchable face and I often thought about that every time I got hit by a man) so al and I saw eachother quite a bit outside of work as well.
We’ve been out drinking, went to a hippie festival, gotten coffee …typical friendly things. But our strange bond was really cemented one day when I wasnt feeling well. Lots of people actually blame al for getting me hooked on drugs but I dont know if I’d go that far.
I must have been about 20 at the time and suffering a terrible bout of cramps. I mean, they were simply horrid. I remember leaning up to a warmer with my pelvis pressed against it and al asking me what the fuck I was doing…I told him it helps the pain. That’s when he casually reached into is pocket and handed me a little round pill and instructed only take half, it’s strong. It’s not tylenol, it’s a pain killer. It will make you feel better. I was hesitant because I had never taken one but I figured it would be no problem. Half was so small.
Within 20 minutes I felt the most glorious feeling I had ever felt in my life. My head was fully mine, there was nothing there but happiness and pleasure. I gladly took the other half 20 minutes later and everything was right in the world. I had reached perfection. And that was it for me.
All down hill from that one innocent moment of course because what good can come from drugs?
In no time at all al was giving me a monthly allowance which was like christmas 12 times a year.
It was all fun back then… my cousin would pick me up one day off and we would go out exploring, just driving around the whole state looking for something interesting. 
the body of christ I would say, offering him a pill. Our mock eucharist, our god dead or silent. amen he would say instantly and I’d pop it into his mouth.
We’d turn the music up real loud and just chainsmoke and be happy.
But happiness turns to desperation, so it goes, and my downfall was just around the corner.
I dont fault al for it. How could he have known? He was the only one from work who visited me in rehab all those years later and he looked sick with guilt and depression. No, I dont blame al at all.
We were supposed to go see dave but procrastinated on that as well.... so he came and went. But I listened to that concert live on the radio the day after and I felt a touch better about it.

Anyway, this entry did not go where I planned it to