Jealousy is ugly.... in This Is Me
- June 9, 2019, 12:38 a.m.
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- Public
I don’t know if it will ever get easier....
Every time I see someone have a healthy pregnancy, a healthy birth, coming home photos I feel jealousy. When I see photos of women holding their newborns on their chest with happy tears in their eyes I feel complete sadness. I feel so damn petty for it. Of course I’m happy for them but it makes me sad. Society makes you expect every birth to be such a happy time & for me it was one of the most terrifying nights of my life. I’ve spoken to other preemie moms who say it’s normal to feel the jealousy, but it makes me feel such an awful person.
He was on a ventilator at first.
Within 12 hours he was switched to CPAP.
I met my son 12 hours after he was born. I was so scared holding a baby so small.
Oren is amazing & I’m super proud to be his mom, I just wish I had that happy birth experience we all dream of having.
DE_disenchanted ⋅ June 09, 2019
Aww I hope you find a way to accept those jealous feelings as totally normal - moms feel guilty enough for pretty much everything, let alone totally normal emotions!
DE_jamielynn DE_disenchanted ⋅ June 09, 2019
Yeah, it just makes me feel ugly
DE_jusjusndredre ⋅ June 10, 2019
Don't beat yourself up over how you feel. You were robbed of a normal birth by Oren having to go in the NICU right away. You feelings are valid and you have every right to feel however you want. I know I'd feel the same way.
I am not a preemie mom, but I felt the same feelings when I lost Azariah. I totally get it from a different experience.
Thinking of you. ❤️