So damn tired in After OD

I’m so tired of dealing with anxiety. A constant weight on my chest, a knot in my stomach, the same worrying thoughts that repeat themselves continuously throughout the day. It takes up all of my energy, and so I’m relying on coffee to hype me up and keep me somewhat productive. Otherwise, I will sleep the day away to escape the exhausting process of living with a mental health problem.

I just got through a month long depressive episode. It was bad because it started causing problems with my closest friendships. I have two best friends. I believe one is bi polar, and she appears to be in a period of mania. We are small business partners and often our differences help us to be successful, but my downswing combined with her upswing was like a struggle between hot and cold air that becomes a tornado. Feelings have been hurt on all ends and business plans have changed. And I don’t feel comfortable around her right now. I feel angry and frustrated and agitated and annoyed. I’m sure she feels that way about me and maybe even worse.

My therapist says that I need to not take on other people’s anxieties. I do it because I have this overwhelming urge to help. If someone presents with with a problem, the logical thing to do is fix it. I know that realistically that’s not possible. But it’s a pattern and habit I need to break out of. I’m trying.

In the meantime I am struggling with anxieties of my own and others on top of that. I need someone who successfully manages their anxiety to teach me how. Because I’m just so damn tired.

Last updated June 01, 2019