Some one died at work today.
My co-workers were talking about what they think happens after death and how they don’t want to die anytime soon, and how they were scared and would miss people.
They asked me my thoughts. Big mistake to respond honestly, I guess.
I told them I don’t care if I die. I’m not scared to die, and I’m not afraid to face my judgement. They assumed I’m cocky and think I’m some great person. They are wrong, but I let them think what they want. Their opinion of me doesnt effect my work, or my life. So I don’t care.
But I feel the need to go deeper into this for myself.
Its not that I wouldnt miss anyone. I would miss my kids and my mum, my fiance, my dad (step dad technically but he’s who I call dad) and everyone else that matters to me. However, I dont think death is scary. I don’t know why. Maybe because then I wouldnt have to look over my shoulder or always feel scared someone is coming for me. Or that I wont have to worry about everything anymore. It vould even be that I’m just too tired to care anymore. I honestly have no idea.
Now, I know what youre thinking:
“Oh she’s suicidal.”
“She’s gonna kill herself soon”
“She WANTS to die.”
I assure you, I am not, I will not, and I do not.
Been there done that, its not the answer and its a waste of time. I have my reasons to live now and I do not plan to go anywhere but through life for a very long time. So dont worry. This isnt the end. This isn’t a goodbye. This is the beginning of a long story, written little by little, in order to process understand and feel heard. Since I never have been before.
However, when it is my time, I’m not afraid. So in turn, I don’t care.
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