3. A Step Forward in A TIRED MARRIED MAN

So I think some things came to a peak yesterday when I got home from work. She was upset and we just got done arguing on our phones about how things are just not going well with us and how I’m not happy with her and just feeling overwhelmed all the time by everything and everybody. She took it into her own hands to email the social worker of our 3 kids and to have them moved (10 day notice). She said that if i’m that overwhelmed and frustrated, she would rather give up on being a foster parent (her life goal), than lose me and our marriage and disarrange everything for our 2 bio kids and 1 adoptive kid. I couldn’t agree more with her on this, but honestly I felt super guilty and the only thing I could say was, “yes, that’s all true and I agree, but can we try to just keep things normal for them while the school year is still going, with all their sports, karate, gymnastics, and stuff?” we argued about this for a little bit, but it was a healthy talk, and she ended up talking with the social worker again and I think they want to talk to me to confirm that we’re still going to hold placements for them until they are done with school.
The issue I have with all this, is purely me and my thoughts. I LOVE seeing things from the outside and seeing all the changes for the better that these kids have gone through ever sense they have lived with us and our structure (Wake up, hygiene, eat, school, home, homework, chores, room clean, eat, hygiene, phone call, bed) over and over. they went from crying over doing homework and punching walls because “everything is not fair” because their parents never forced them to do anything, never had schedules, never had boundaries with children, even as simple a bed time or curfew for a 12yr old on a school night, never talked to their teachers about grades or checked their kids homework, they really just let them come home and do whatever they wanted, they were bad parents that just checked out everyday… there is a lot to being a parent, and they just neglected the shit out of them, and we undid it all and remolded them in the matter of 4 months. So looking back on all this, we know we have done an amazing job at turning their lives around, and I love that.
The part that actually gets to me, is actually living with them, actually being around them all the time when they are constantly saying my name to do things they can do, over and over, telling them to stop, to figure it out, to ask my wife, is past the point of exhaustion. People that are reading this, I’m not exaggerating at all when I say that my 12yr old boy in my home will ask you for EVERYTHING, I mean it, from where are his shoes, to closing blinds in his room, to where his socks are, to turning on the tv, etc.. you name it, if it’s an actionable thing, he will ask, you have literally no space until he’s sleeping or in front of the tv. I understand that this is sad, and SOMEBODY needs to be there for this kid and work with him on these unhealthy habbits, but after 4 months of this, I’m truly just spent and it’s bleeding into my marriage and everybody around me. and I can’t just remove him without his sister with him, she’ll just become more suicidal that she already is, she has said it a few times (each needing my wife to take her to the hospital to talk to a doctor). Her most recent one about a week ago, is her actually planning it with a friend from school on snapchat, which her friends mom saw it and then told us and that lead to a full day of fun at the hospital too along with hiding the forks and knives in our house, and follow up psych appointments for her.. not bad for 10 yrs old huh? if you are a parent out there, teach your kids the value of life, how to take care of them selves, and for the love of God, give them boundaries and some rules you stick by.
To put it simply, I’m just drained by all this, but I’m also sympathetic to the point where I would like them all to finish up the school year, so it doesn’t disrupt their lives more than it needs to, then they can go to a new home during the summer. Then I can breathe again. the 14yr old will be going home in 2 weeks to her stepdad and mom, she’s doing great and handles everything in our home just fine, super easy to deal with and just typical teenage drama that is beyond easy to talk to her about. She actually does her homework, and only lies a few times about the homework she doesn’t want to do, which we call her out on it, with a teacher on the phone to verify that she’s the liar between us, not us. but really that’s it, she does everything else without question, and does an actual good job at everything without being told. I’ll actually miss her.
Well anyway I have some tickets coming in now from work, so I’ll get going on those, but just wanted to say that things are kind of looking up as things have turned into an actual action plan yesterday evening. We will see where this pans out in the next couple weeks.