2. Never Enough in A TIRED MARRIED MAN

It seems that regardless what I do, it’s not enough for her. Lets take yesterday for example, we got up and around, I got all the kids breakfast as she laid in bed, got all the kids ready for church before I even got into my church clothes (really just day clothes, nothing fancy). My brother stayed the night from helping me move furniture around my house to satisfy some Foster licensing issues. It was a 2 couches, and some other stuff that had to go down stairs then 2 beds that had to be taken apart, taken upstairs and put back together, so by no means a small task. I say all that to say that when Sunday came, I was exhausted physically and am still feeling my back pains and feet pains from it now. and all that moving stuff was AFTER having a full day at the park for my kids softball and T-ball games, so it’s not like i got to do this on the side, while other stuff was going on… Anyway, I digress, After church we get home and I start mowing the lawn, because spring is here, and well.. nobody else is going to just do it, and it will just fall on me and i know from last year that if i DON’T mow every week, she’ll just bitch about it, so my as well start it now before anybody complains. I picked up my whole yard (about half acre all together front and back) then push mowed it all, she was in the van for about an hour talking to somebody or texting, while i was mowing, then she was gone to a candle party without saying a word and left me with all the kids for a couple hours. She called me and asked if our baby was in the van still (after she was gone for about 20 minutes), and she was still in her car seat from when we got back from church and her sitting in the van talking/texting. She never brought our daughter into the house, and never told me if she had her or not when she left, so i just assumed she did.. thankfully it was a mild 65 degree’s outside and the inside of the van wasn’t hot or cold it was just fine, i almost flipped out, but contained it and never said a word.
I went inside, gave my baby a bath, played with her in the living room for about 20 minutes then laid her down for a nap. I then helped the kids get a movie ready and eventually had them go outside and play due to the nice weather. My wife came home and just bitched for a solid hour about how bad the house was with grass everywhere and blah blah blah.. literally as I was in the middle of knocking out dishes.. I’m not exaggerating on any of this people, i’m here writing for a reason. I really have no idea how to handle my ungrateful wife, who i seem to let do whatever she wants, and I’m the bad guy no matter what i do, all because I don’t want to move again for the 8th time, I like my job where i’m making a good 65k with no degree and it’s a Federal position, I am supporting her and her need to be a Foster family, I do more house work then any dude i know around here.. usually guys just come home, do something in the garage, then ask whats for dinner and go to bed. I dream about being a guy that can get away with such a life. If i’m home and even away from anybody for more than 10 minutes (max.. even in the bathroom) somebody will find me and ask me a dumb ass question that they can’t seem to figure out, i never asked my parents for anything, and i hardly ask my wife for anything, maybe 1x a month i’ll actually need her to do something for me.. but yet people seem to need me daily, it’s so fucking annoying. I just want to NOT be needed for a few years.
So after all that stress, we had an awesome Cinco de Mayo dinner where my oldest (adoptive daughter) made us a Mexican taco dinner with every topping you could imagine. it was amazing. Wife didn’t say anything, she just bitched about how the baby woke up (she wasn’t sleeping) then she spend the rest of the night down stairs and on the phone with her mom or somebody, long into the night. I got up this morning to get dressed and ready for work like i always do, i don’t turn on lights or anything like a normal person, i just use the flashlight on my phone, she bitched at me for flashing her in the face and bumping the bed while i was getting clothes to get dressed. Plus i got our baby a bottle of warm milk before i left, so i might of bumped the bed again, besides me having urges to just tell her to fuck the fuck off with her and her mopey dumb privileged ass, i actually went to give her a kiss before i left, and she didn’t want it, when SHE is the one that told me to give her a kiss everyday before i go to work, so she knows when i leave and also to start her off on the right foot for the day for our marriage. well fuck her. guys/gals reading this.. as much as i’m a Christian and really do pray for my relationship to grow and love more and be healthy. I honestly can’t live with this teen of a wife who’s in her 30’s but acts like her shit don’t stink, I don’t say anything when people make food i don’t care much about, i just eat it.. i don’t say shit when people turn on lights or thump around the house when they get ready to leave, because THEY ARE GETTING READY TO LEAVE, they are doing what they are supposed to be doing, while i’m lazy in bed, i have no right to complain. I think every person in America should do a solid 4 years in the military at the minimum so they can all learn what it’s like to just suck shit up and stop complaining about things that don’t matter.
She even talked about just going home to the west coast for the summer and seeing her parents with our kids (although I’m sure she wouldn’t even try to come back with my kids) and i’m just fine with this.. she doesn’t want to live here, and maybe she’s trying to make me hate her while she’s here and maybe she’ll try to manipulate me to think that if we moved again she’ll be happy.. but the thing is I honestly think we are too different and wont be happy no matter where we go, she wants sex more then I’ll ever want it from her (or so she says, she never initiates) she wants my attention more then i want to ever give anybody, she gets jealous over everything i show attention towards (games, dog, kids, friends, family, etc). If she does decide to leave for the summer, i think i’ll get some good time of peace and quiet to sort things out. but after being in a relationship with girls my whole life (starting from having a girlfriend in 5th grade to 2 marriages and in my 30’s, never having a break for more than 2 months of being single) I think i’m actually just Fucking done. I’m just going to stop perusing train wrecks of people that can’t take care of themselves and are always looking for other peoples affection, attention, time, etc.. if i ever get somebody in my life again, that person wont need me for anything, they will be a self made, self loved person who just enjoys my company when i’m there, but wont actually need it if i’m not, they wont take shit serious unless it’s actually serious. This person may not exist and you know what, I’m 100% OK with that. I just only want to focus on being a great dad now, I think that’s my purpose.