Budda. in My Random Thoughts

All of the people here read me on OD. so you probably all know budda is my almost 16 yr old toy poodle. My baby. We all know I have a zoo of dogs but budda was MY first dog. I got him as a birthday gift from my mom because my aunt bred her poodles. We did the whole shabang and got akc papers and all. When I moved out on my own, I took budda with me. All of the traveling I've done, budda has been my right hand man. Like I said- he's almost 16. He isn't doing well. He's blind, has Cushing's syndrome and is senile (from what I can tell) and I can't afford to keep him on meds for the rest of his (probably not very long) life. It's a hard decision but a selfless one.... I think I need to have him put to sleep. I'm totally not okay with it. At all. But I hate seeing him the way he is. I come home, all the dogs are excited to see me and I'll call his name and he doesn't even know where to begin to find me. I feel like he's lost and scared and I hate that. I don't want that for him. I think my mom is going to help me because she knows I don't have extra money right now. She called the animal hospital I take him to and it's $170 for everything, get him cremated and I keep the ashes. That may seem creepy but not to me. He's my baby. I can't bury him in my backyard because come July, I'm outta here and I can't leave him behind. It's all I've been thinking about lately but I think it's the right thing to do. I hate this but if I'm being honest... I've put it off for a year too long. I can't let him suffer. This whole thing is making me wish I didn't have three more dogs I loved with all my heart. :(