I had soccer practice today, and they decided to tell us our first game is on Thursday. Lol. We kinda have our teams, and I’m fine with mine because Scarlet is not on it, and we have some decent players. Lol. I’m talking as if I know what I’m doing. The only reason I join soccer is because exercise means dopamine and dopamine means less depression.
My head really hurts. Like a lot. It wants to be banged against a wall. But Coke told me I shouldn’t do that. So I won’t. For him.
I feel sad.
I ate a lot for dinner. I don’t deserve that much food. I feel like I’m going to throw up.
I need to practice Polish. I want to learn it… I do… and Russian… but Polish first… but I don’t want to do anything right now. Writing this is taking a lot of willpower.
I failed today. I didn’t make my bed. I’m supposed to make my bed every morning.
I had a weird “I feel high” moment in lunch again. Like I’ve mentioned, bipolar. Then later today, and now, I feel really bad. Maybe the two are connected. Most days I feel high I feel really low later, however I don’t feel high often. Only once every other week about.
I want to scream.
I want to sleep.
I want to be happy.
I want to do something with my sorry life.
I want…
I want…
I want to know what I need to do, and what is right, and how I can learn, and how I can be motivated, and how to get up out of bed in the morning, and how to sleep, and how to live. I should know these things.
I want…
I don’t know if I’ll ever have.
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