Dear You,
Do you remember laying on a trampoline in the middle of the night, staring at the stars? Do remember the conversation we had? I don’t remember what we said, I just remember laughing.
I miss laughing with you.
I miss your smile, I can’t even remember the last time we smiled at each other.
It’s been years. Years and years since the trampoline and that conversation. But I still think about it. Reminisce. Probably more than I should.
I miss being young, so few heavy responsibilities. Everything felt so much more real, so much more present. I miss those hazey, smoke filled days of skin. And you are my youth, you are the taste in every memory.
I edit you out of my life like we never shared years together. Just like that you’re cut out, easy as pie. We, becomes I. It breaks a little bit of my heart knowing you probably do the same. That I’m just as easily cut out of every happy memory in your past.
Easy as pie. Just like walking away was for you.
I’m bitter. So bitter I feel like bile. Because YOU did this. YOU broke me. I’ve been trying everyday since to pick up the pieces. I don’t think you even realise how much you shattered me. I had to rebuild myself from the ground. All I am now, is because you destroyed me so completely then.
And I hate how I can read you. Like a book, your mannerisms are etched in my brain. The way you walk when you’re trying to appear casual. Your nervous laugh. But it’s such useless information now. Like the time we looked after the dog, and it ran away. I took the most beautiful picture of us walking down the path after we had cornered and recaptured him.
I deleted all our pictures. I wish I hadn’t but I did. They’re gone to the ether. Much like us, really.
All I ever wanted was your attention. I still want it, even now. Even after all these years, yours is the face I look for in a crowd. I spot you, every time we pass. I may not let on, but I see you. Maybe you do the same. Feigning ignorance.
I wish one day, we could smile at each other again.
Just to feel a spark of that connection again. A taste of something old and half forgotten.
Just a sip. I miss the taste of you in my life.
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