During the last few weeks I’ve been really craving for a physical touch. My family is not a hugger family, we’ve never been close that way. Or rather, we’ve never been really close at all. I feel like there’s a some kind of void of nurturing in me, and I’ve been using food to fill that sense of emptiness. When I’ve been in relationships I’ve lapped up that physical acceptance and hugging. It has been even more important than sex. In fact, it kind of was the problem with my second relationship: I wanted to cuddle and just fill up with that kind of closeness, he wanted more just sex.
I’ve been thinking about love. I wonder if I am a loving person or a lovable person? Right now it seems that no matter what kind of love it is or how strong, it will eventually end in grief. It will hurt.
I was on Tinder for a while, but it does not feel comfortable for me. I even went for a couple of dates, which were okay, but I didn’t feel the spark. It got me thinking - do other people need that spark or are they content with being with someone nice? Am I asking too much?
How do people even fall in love and find someone? How do they know they want to marry someone? Do people, who are in good relationships, realize how incredibly rare that might be to others?
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