Still alive in General Chatterboxing

I havent done anything dumb yet. Sometimes i feel like it. But i dont do anything.
Its so very stressful this stupid thing of life. Adulting is so hard. Money is so hard. Bills are so hard. This world isnt made so a poor person can work their way and get ahead. We live in a society where you need a credit card to buy enough food, and cant ever seem to pay it off. Because paying it off means less food that month. And how do you tell kids that there isnt enough food?
Its the same with anything though, Not just food. And no there arent assistance programs for a family who makes as much money as we do. We exist in the bubble right above getting help.

Moreso other things that linger on my mind. Ive been working hard to turn my personality around. drugs and all that to work on it. But the thing is. I realize that despite getting out there and trying harder. Im still forgettable. Still in the distance.
It makes me feel and think about people who are depressed. do people like GO check on them? I havent had someone come here in over a year. And no one would come check on me lol. No one would care.
I put my heart and soul and passion into a project, and i couldent even get people to accept FREE from me. I mean what does that say. I can move people to tears when I tell them about it. But i get a huge line and no. I dont understand. Im having a hard time because im not getting to where I want to be. And there are just so many aspects and faucets and i cant seem to come out of any of them. I always end up face down in the mud. I think its a fundemental personality problem. Or i really need to up my meds. Yes im taking them, taking my surplus. Im out of refills but the kids go see the doctor on the 10th and Im hoping he will just renew my perscription. Then i read that walmart is cheaper then target for it. So im going to go ask them and hope i can find it for less then 200 haha. Because im thinking i need to double my dosage.
the sun is out and the warmth is coming back. We went for a 1.5 mile long walk today. I was happy that i got nearly 8K steps on my fitbit haha. I will before the end of the night.
I groomed 4 rabbits and need to shave 3. Its so exhausting thinking of shaving 3 more buns. I want to sell them all at this point. I love them so much though… But its so much work.
Then one got out. Butterbeer. My red gold fella. The dog had him pinned in a chainlink fence. He was stuck. Thankfully my dogs didnt hurt him. Just got him caught and held him till we got there. Hes dirty but ok. Lucky he didnt break a leg struggling against the chain link. But hes ok.
I have baby bunnies due in like 10 days too. I bred two, I have 4 more to breed. For health reasons they should be bred before a year or not at all. And if i can sell them as proven or had babies. Well it helps sometimes. Never know. I have 20 right now, and should find homes for a lot.

my snake still wont eat. We had to trade out the rat we got her, who turned up pregnant, for another rat. A boy. Hes becoming a pet at this rate. Tweeker i call him, because he comes out and tweeks out. He twitches and jumps, its funny. I bought rat food and looking up treats and stuff for him.. I need this snake to eat before i cant feed tweeker.

I did some photos of my daughter for funsies. She did amazing. They are prefect. Its the only thing in my life i know im good at. Taking photos. I suck at most things i do in my life. But i know im good at photos… If only i can convince clients of that.... I cant see sessions lately for nothing. Sigh.

Damn it my tooth is hurting again. Im going to need to go see a dentist soon. I dont want to. I cant afford that, nor can i afford the zanex i need to get through the appointment. Sigh.

I guess on the fun side. I finished a beautiful shawl. the proceeds from the pattern sale goes to cancer research. Lace crochet. And a jacket. Happy to send the link to the crochet pattern if anyone wants to buy it and make it. IT turned out pretty.

ok well my jumbo babble needs to come to an end. I need to figure out something else to do except be depressed about the lack of people in my life who actually care… Why cant people see me? Why is that so fracking hard.