I'm feeling lonely, so I think I'm going to take a weekend trip and visit Melanie in Yorktown while I can this weekend.
Been looking for jobs... mostly all that is available are sales associate positions. The problem I think I'm going to have, as I learned very quickly, is that most of the time, higher-level positions aren't posted and managers and assistant managers often go out to recruit or try to network for a month or two before posting it, to see if they can hire from within or close to within. After all, that's basically how I got my last 4 jobs. I'm in contact with Sehrish from Benetton who is now working at Arden B with Benetton's former manager, and I told her to tell me if something opened up. I still talk with Khang and Shamir at 7 but it sounds like they have a whole new set of problems since Chayla and I left. I have spoken with Chayla to let me know if her new store, which has two locations near me, has a position that she could recommend me for. It's not that I'm not using my connections.
I am being slightly picky only in that I'd rather not have a part-time sales position since I do believe I'm more responsible and reliable than that at this point. I mean, even though it was never official at Jacadi (where I worked for 4 years and 3 months), I can technically claim I was a keyholder the ENTIRE time I was there, as I was always in charge of shipment, opening (but mainly closing) the store, doing bank deposits, calling maintenance, sometimes working entire shifts by myself, making the schedule, sending payroll, handling directives from corporate, updating the visuals (even though I HATE visuals... though the visuals part got better at Jacadi when we moved to the new location).
I mean, I don't even feel right at this point putting "sales associate" on my resume for Jacadi because I WASN'T. Being a sales associate, especially after Madina left in 2009 and I got more hours (26-32 per week), was always secondary once Laila knew I was reliable and responsible. I mean, hell, when I got the job at 7FAM in August 2012 as a sales associate, god, was I BORED because I couldn't do ANYTHING. I was so used to having all this responsibility at Jacadi, but at 7 it was all about the customer during the day and sweeping/mopping the floor, windexing, replenishing, and cleaning the bathroom during off-hours. That was it. Not that I didn't mind because at the time I thought to myself "I'm getting paid a little bit more to do less ? Great !" but then when Wendy came as manager in early December and insisted we hire more associates (despite the fact that Kyle and I had open availability, we already had 4 other full-timers, and we pulled in some pretty good numbers), that was when I started having trouble. I mean, there were a couple weeks there where she literally scheduled me for 9 hours the entire week. I think around Easter she didn't even schedule me at all one week because "We need to make up those Easter hours" which is bullshit because all the full-timers got PTO for Easter, so they didn't need to make up anything.
Besides that, she hired like 3 associates and none of them stayed more than a month. I still don't understand what the problem was. When I was hired by Crystal, she was very fair to me and Kyle. One week, Kyle would have about 24 hours and I would have 18, and the next week it would switch and I would have 24 and he would have 18. She controlled payroll by letting people go home an hour early when it was slow (which wasn't a big deal since, like I said, Kyle and I were getting a "decent" amount of hours every paycheck) and she was a very good trainer. She insisted on training me the first couple weeks I was there, and being on the floor with me, and then allowed Chayla and Shamir and Kyle to give me pointers. Wendy would just throw new associates at (usually me) whoever was there with her while she went and took care of stuff in the back room. And I understand there is paperwork to be done and directives to follow, but Wendy had a strong team that could've helped her with that but she couldn't or wouldn't delegate and Chayla often told me how annoyed she'd be that Wendy had to micromanage everything and then wondered why she was so swamped at work.
I noticed this right off the bat when I was promoted (without a raise--the catalyst for me wanting to leave even though I didn't actually want to leave); even if she gave me something to do, she would still watch me or check me or basically go through it herself. And again, I understand checking to make sure it was done properly but this wasn't just checking--most of the time I wondered why I did it in the first place if she was just going to do it again herself anyway. And whenever I approached Chayla about this, she said she'd given up because she knew Wendy was going to insist on doing it herself anyway. And to a point we even wanted to give Wendy a break (despite the fact she was such a liar about everything and so disingenuous) but it just never worked.
Anyway. So yeah... I'll be okay through March but I really should find something, even anything, by mid-April. I would love to not have to dip into my savings and use what little is there to help finance my move this year... a move that has to happen, so help me God, or I may kill myself.
Oh, in quick other news... I started on my new birth control pills and already I can tell it's affecting my mood. I told my new gynecologist that I was really wary about switching (since third time was the charm and Gianvi didn't give me any noticeable side effects, at least not like the previous 2) but she was telling me that somehow Kaiser doesn't cover Gianvi and if I wanted them to specially order it, I'd have to pay out of pocket which I had basically been doing anyway. And mom's birthday is today, and dad and I got her 2 gifts that we were SURE she'd like and... she basically hated both of them and was not beating around the bush in saying so. I actually got so upset I started crying. Like a 10 year old. I don't know, I've just been so sad the last few days and I'm getting antsy because any day in the next 2 months Cori will find out if UC accepts him (or any other college, but I hope to God UC says YES COME TO OUR UNIVERSITY IN BEAUTIFUL CINCINNATI SO YOU CAN BE WITH YOUR ADORING GIRLFRIEND WHO LOVES YOU AND WANTS TO TAKE CARE OF YOU AND BE WITH YOU THROUGH ROUGH TIMES AND GOOD TIMES SO YOU DON'T NEED TO BE ALONE ANYMORE). I don't know what we'll do if... that doesn't happen. I mean, I'd still be more than willing to move to Minneapolis if he has to stay there (I have a cousin who offered to house me if I move there to look for a job) but he hates the cold and he feels the same way about Minneapolis that I do about DC... what's keeping him there ? What's keeping me here ?
I just want to be with him so much... at the risk of getting myself into financial trouble I want to be with him. I know that sounds dumb but I am just so sick of being here alone and not getting anywhere. At least if I moved I would feel more like an adult and experience a completely different set of life rules and know that I accomplished something--moving out of my parents' house. My grandfather thinks I should go for it, which surprised me. He said he always knew I preferred Ohio and was a bit shocked I didn't immediately move back there after graduating from college. My parents are less gung-ho, but... there's nothing for me here. There is absolutely NOTHING keeping me in DC anymore. It used to be my family, then it was school, then it was the possibility of finding a government job, but now it's nothing.
(Why is it that I always set out to write a relatively short entry and then it turns into a novel ??)
Tomorrow I'm going to have a gynecological "cauterize" procedure that I mentioned one or two entries ago... and then Thursday morning I have a "barium swallow" which at this point seems irrelevant since I'm not as sick as I was for those 3 weeks in mid-late January/early February. Hopefully both go well. Not looking forward to either of them.
~Rachel
P.S. Randomly went downstairs and heard my parents basically having a conversation about how stupid I am for thinking of moving out and what happens if I get a good job here. Wouldn't that be something ? I've been trying to get a "good" job for over two years and then I get something the year I am trying to move out ?
Oh, God. What if that did happen ? Would I just accept it and not say anything about moving ? Oh my God. If that happened... that would be my luck, wouldn't it ? My horrible, horrible luck.
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