awakening in appreciation

i am not going to bother with caps or proper grammar. i’ll try my best but i really just want to write my thoughts down somewhere. somewhere, someone will see and maybe reabed, or maybe not. but, just something i know i could go back and read someday. because, i have memory problems. people think you have to be old to have dementia. people think that if you have dementia you just forget everything and are always forgetful of everything. it’s not the case. you could remember the day or the week, maybe the month or the year, or maybe even a few years. what happens is that you forget events. you forget what took place. sometimes you remember but you just don’t remember when or whom or why. i have a regular job and i remember everything i need to do my job. i remember where i’m supposed to go and where i sit. i remember the people’s names that i work with. on random occasions if i am under lots of stress or sadness, that’s when i start to forget. sometimes i’ll forget where I’m going, even if i’m all dressed up and already in the car, headed to.... somewhere. maybe work or something. i remember an incident when i was driving home, but only that i didn’t live there anymore. i was so scared and shocked. i pulled up to the house and did not recognize the cars in front. i walked up to the door and the screen door was closed but the front door was open. i didn’t know what was going on, but i heard people talking and laughing. it sounded like a family having dinner. i walked closer and before entering the house, i looked at the stuff inside; through the screen door. i just stood there not knowing what to think. i got really sad and scared. i was nervous. i just pulled into the driveway and parked there like it was my house. i stood there for a few more moments feeling so lost. i turned around to walk back to my car and felt so lost. while walking back to my car, i just felt so lost. i didn’t know what to do or where i was. at that very moment, i felt so confused and sad. i felt all alone. by that time, i had driven 30 minutes the opposite direction of where i now lived. i got back into my car and drove down the hill a little bit. trying to remember where i’m supposed to be headed and where i lived now. i couldn’t remember where i lived. writing this now, i don’t even remember what year this event took place. i don’t remember what car i was driving or where i was working at. i don’t remember, i just recall that event. i cant remember how i remembered where i was supposed to go. i think i pulled out my phone and looked at my most recent calls log and then dialed my wife. she thought i was joking but i wasn’t. oh no, no. i’m wrong. i remember now. she was very worried about me. she told me to pull over and i did. i hadn’t finished driving down the hill from my old home. she told me to take a deep breathe, in which i did and she asked me what i remembered last. i told her i did not know. because i didn’t. she told me how to get home but i was scared and nervous and confused. i sat in the car on the residential street, down the hill a little ways from my old home; on the side of the road and i cried. she told me to wait and that she was on her way to come get me. she confirmed with me where i was and she told me to stay put. she told me to turn off the car and just sit there and not to move. i didn’t move and i followed her every instructions. i’m not sure how much time passed but she pulled up and parked behind me. she asked me if i was okay and i told her that i was, but just a little confused. i remember what car i was driving now. it was her black bmw hard top convertible. and she came to pick me up in my green prius. you don’t know what a relief it is to be typing this and to remember these things. it brings such great joy to remember this. i remember where i was working now too and where we lived at the time. so now i remember the year spans that this event took place. instead of going home to our apartment, my wife took me to her mothers house for tea and to keep warm. my wife said it would be best to be around the family so that my mind can rest because i may be under too much stress from work. i think that it was the reason as well because after the tea and warm blanket and conversations with the family, i wasn’t sad and confused anymore. i was just wondering why i drove to the wrong house when i haven’t lived there for over a few years. at that time i didn’t remember that i have dementia. i’ve gotten much better now and know that i have dementia and may remember things later on or at random times. sometimes it’s hard to explain myself or remember things but when i do i am so very thankful for everything that i remember.