winter in Wherelings and Whenlings

i am so goddamn tired of winter.

also, i am just so goddamn tired. my job at the cafe is really draining - alllll day, people just want me to DO things for them, and it's tiring when they treat me like a human because then i'm required to act like a human back, and it's tiring when they treat me like a human vending machine, because i'm required to act like a human vending machine back. either way, they act entitled and expectant because they're members at some fancy club where they pay hundreds of dollars a month to hang out in the cafe and spend hundreds of more dollars a month on skim lattes and salads but almost never bother to fucking tip.

i talked to ex-boyfriend-from-arizona-that-i-am-on-good-terms-with-now-i-guess (since i'm going to try to keep this thing public, i don't want to use real names anymore. you'll just have to bear with titles such as this one) recently, and when i told him i worked at a tennis club, he said, "what? that's really a thing?"

he is moving to japan and might come by chicago in the next month to hang out with me and two of his old friends, which would be...weird? nice? he won't be in arizona when i'm there in april, which will also be weird, because he was such an integral part of my experience there and all i want is to visit my old life for a bit. how do people with exes in the same city live their lives? i don't know anything about my actual ability to move on. i've always just...moved.

my roommate's 14-year-old lab died a few days ago. talk about not knowing how to move on. she has had this dog since she was 20 and an art school punk, and now she's a teacher with a baby and we all knew it was coming and we all know mia had the most wonderful life a dog could have (i mean, fuck, she went to italy - twice! and to florida every christmas, and lived most of her life around tons of dog loving people in group houses), but it's still just- i don't know. "sad" seems like such a ridiculously inadequate word, but at the same time, it's simple and straightforward and truer than any other, so. so, goodbye mia. i hope to live a life as rich and (relatively) long as yours, and i'd be satisfied if i made even half as many people as happy as you always did.