The Angst of Dying & The Paranormal in General Mental Anesthesia

One would think that being on chemotherapy for ulcerative colitis, things may improve. I laugh at the lot of you!

Ignorance is bliss eh?

Allow me to cure you once and for all.

I’m down to just 10mg of Prednisone, the hope being that I could finally get off of it after 3 years now that I’m on chemo, but of course I’m still bleeding, still going to the bathroom a dozen times a day and the pain remains constant.

Here are several updates that I was too ill to make with their respective dates. (and some additional crap at the end).

Feb 5th.

When you’re in the triage area of the emergency room and they wheel you next to a person with possible strep throat and a person hacking their brains out while you have the immune system of a dead person and on both Prednisone and chemotherapy immune suppressants.

I hate it when the hospital bed is way too short for you.

Not that it mattered, after 10 minutes I couldn’t stand lying down (my back) and had to get up and stand… (for hours…)

Yes, I’m hospitalized again. The 2nd time since October and 3rd time in the past year for blood in my urine. I’m talking urine that looks like cranberry juice; pain accompanying if you can imagine… if you can’t, you don’t want to!

Add the Xarelto and the amount of blood is insane! (and absolutely terrifying). 😕😢 They aren’t 100% sure though and are sending my blood work and CT scan results out for further analysis.

Feb 6th.

Speaking of Xarelto, I saw a hematologist for the blood clots in my lungs. After some testing, it was determined that I’ll be on the blood thinner indefinitely.

Feb 8th. (From fb)

HOLY MOTHER OF G-D!!!!! IN CASE YOU THINK AFTER ALL THIS TIME AND NOW BEING ON CHEMOTHERAPY FOR MY ULCERATIVE COLITIS, THAT THINGS HAVE IMPROVED… I JUST HAD A VERY SEVERE UC ATTACK IN THE PARKING LOT OF THE UROLOGIST OFFICE (I DIDNT MAKE IT INSIDE… BLEEDING AND MORE ALL OVER MYSELF… THAT WAS A FREAKING HUMILIATING NIGHTMARE!!!) THE 9TH TIME I’VE GONE TO THE BATHROOM TODAY AND IT’S NOON. WELCOME TO MY SHITTY ASS LIFE!

THEN, MOMENTS LATER; I HAD A PROSTATE EXAM (AND BECAUSE OF MY BROKEN BACK, I COULDN’T BEND OVER FULLY, WHICH MADE IT EVEN MORE DIFFICULT) WHILE EXTREMELY INFLAMMED AND IN EXCRUCIATING PAIN FROM JUST BEING SO VIOLENTLY ILL…

ALSO, THIS DUDE WASN’T GENTLE AT ALL. I VERY SPECIFICALLY SAID, PLEASE, BE CAREFUL, I’M SO INFLAMED BECAUSE OF MY ULCERATIVE COLITIS, AND I’M IN A LOT OF PAIN… LET ME TELL YOU, IT WAS STRAIGHT UP SODOMY, IT HURT SOOO FUCKING BAD!!!!!!!!!! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!

NOW I NEED TO SCHEDULE ANOTHER CT SCAN WITH CONTRAST WHICH MEANS A BIG IV NEEDLE AND 100 STABS… EVERY TIME I NEED CONTRAST, THEY ALWAYS HAVE TROUBLE GETTING A VEIN… (SEE VIDEO’S. BOTH OF WHICH OCCURRED WITHIN THE YEAR). I ACTUALLY HAD 3 DONE, BUT ONE THEY WOULDN’T LET ME FILM, AND NOW SOON, A FOUTH.

THEN I NEED TO SCHEDULE A PAINFUL UP THE WATER HOLE PROCEDURE (IF YOU GET MY MEANING) WHICH GOES ALL THE WAY INTO MY SCROTUM! AND NO… THEY DO NOT KNOCK YOU OUT FOR IT…

ALL BECAUSE OF MY RECENT HOSPITAL VISIT WITH EXCESSIVE BLOOD IN MY URINE… TRYIN’ TO FIGURE IT ALL OUT.

HELL YES, THIS POST DESERVES ALL CAPS!

KILL ME NOW!!!

AND PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CONTINUE TO SHARE AND TELL YOUR FRIENDS /COWORKERS TO SHARE (EVERYWHERE, NOT JUST ON FACEBOOK OR PB) MY GOFUNDME LINK BELOW SO YOU CAN HELP ME END MY SUFFERING! PLEASE G-D!!! I BEG OF YOU!!!

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Feb 12th.
Part 1.

Results from initial blood work and testing are back. It wasn’t a kidney stone, nor was it an infection that caused the blood in my urine. That’s bad! Any other option is more serious now.

Ct scan with contrast appt is on Feb 21st

Part 2.

It’s been over 5 months since Hurricane Florence and STILL nothing has been fixed!

The first video shows the two areas of mold that were cut away and we’ve been living with these giant holes for several months now. We’ve also had several nights in the 30’s and 20’s and lower with no use of the fireplace because that hasn’t been fixed either since the storm.

The second video… (sorry about the scratchy sound, it’s the velcro on my back brace). It hadn’t rained in 36 hours (and although the city did dump dirt into the sinkhole, they half-assed it). They didn’t put any under the driveway which is all hollow, nor did they fill it up or pack it down which results in constant flooding. If it doesn’t rain for a week, the grass will still be soaked and you’ll sink if you step anywhere near the areas shown. It’s extremely hazardous!

3rd pic.

Several pieces of siding that were ripped off during Hurricane Florence still haven’t been replaced.

4th & 5th pics.

Now the thermostat just broke = no heat. My poor near 16 year old pug is freezing his furry butt off! With a broken back, I can’t lift him or re-cover him every time he moves and his blanket falls off. 😟😭😰 I’d use the fireplace but....

THE PARANORMAL

Found this old pic the other day… In remission from ulcerative colitis, thanks to my holistic Dr, (mentioned in the gofundme link above) with friends Alice & King Jeef back in college. We went on a paranormal investigation that night.

I’ve been an investigator (before any of these shows existed) for most of my life. I’m what you would call a sensitive, I just know when things are around me, like the kid from the Sixth Sense. I don’t see them, but I feel their presence and hear them. I’m not going to get into it, but I do want to mention one thing…

And this isn’t new, but I notice that if I watch a paranormal show (an investigative show or documentary) during the day… nothing, but if I watch one at night; it’s as if a doorway opens and I’ll start experiencing things in real time. I’ll hear clicks, bangs, things move, I’ll hear whispers etc…

It happened last night and I tried to pass it off as wind blowing outside, settling house sounds… but I knew… and it went on for hours!

Finally, I lit some sage and blessed myself and the house. I banished anything and anyone from being here, asserted my dominance and brought in peace, light and love.

Everything stopped.

Crazy how that happens. All from just watching other investigators doing their thing years ago, so weird.

Last updated July 22, 2022