Yes this one is going to be all about you. You won’t see this for awhile but I will show you eventually. We got into a fight last night J, not the worse one yet but i’ll admit I was hurt. But now I understand the meaning when they say “don’t go to bed mad” because I couldn’t sleep much. This is how it always is when we fight J, I never can sleep. I appreciate you so much and no matter how mad we are at each other you never fail to make sure I know how much you love me. Even though it doesn’t matter who is wrong or right, I somehow always feel sick. You mean the world to me and I am sorry for the way I am. We seem to always fight when we are not together and when we are together everything is perfect.. I wish it was like that all the time. We are still currently fighting and omg you are really pissing me off. We are fighting about a phone call right now, a flipping phone call. I am not going to get into it right now though. No matter what though I wish this fight and all our fights would just go away J. I know we are both going through a lot right now but the last thing we need to do is take it out on each other. It starting to get frustrating and I am taking my frustration out on this site and telling all these anonymous people how fucked up I am and how much you help me. Yes anonymous people I am fucked up. J and I fight almost every day because of the little shit I do but it’s a big deal to him. For example I smoke and drink and these are the biggest ones that gets him upset because he doesn’t want me to harm myself and I scream and fight him which I know is wrong because I know he is doing it to help me. J… you know how you feel about me drinking and smoking? You now how important it is to you? That’s how I feel about talking to you… that’s why I am frustrated because you aren’t seeing it. You aren’t understanding why it’s important to me. My freshman year of high school I dated a boy named jacey (long distance) for a year. He never wanted to talk on the phone or FaceTime we would only Snapchat and text which caused problems… I found out he was cheating. No I’m not saying or thinking that you are cheating on me not at all. I know I’m your number one and you’re my number one J but sometimes I just feel not important at times. Talking to you is my escape. My happy place. Yeah you are busy with school shit and track and all of it but last night pushed me to the edge. You always pick your friends always. Every time I try calling it always an excuse of “I’m playing basketball with the boys” or “I’m talking to Mario right now” and so on. I’m not saying you can’t do those things J.. I’m just saying I don’t want to have to make an appointment to escape to my happy place. I remember the last time be called we said we would try calling once a day or every other day, that was a couple weeks ago. I honestly want to show you this after I write it because I really do want you to understand why I am the way I am. I have never been loved like this before J not even by my own family so I’m sorry for really wanting it… I guess that’s all for now.
Simply, me
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