the end. (venting out) *Part Four of Four* in disappointment.

Finally coming to an end with this “venting out” about the horrible place I worked at. This part is going to be about how I finally worked up the courage to leave that place. Like I said before I’m a pretty laid back person, I hate confrontation, I like putting others before myself, I like helping others out… but this place it was turning me into someone that I never knew before. I was beginning to become cold towards other people, I even started showing my feelings about how I felt (I’m usually pretty good at hiding my true feelings whether I’m sad, mad, happy, jealous, etc. nobody ever really knows what I’m really feeling). But this place really started to break me… I started snapping at everyone who asked simple questions even to the ones I call my friends. I was such a ass. I would flip out and start hiding in the bathroom just to throw a temper tantrum some days I even cried during work because I just couldn’t take it anymore. I would be rude to Clients, all the work that I’m usually good at being up to date started falling behind weeks of work. I just basically stopped caring. Keep in mind I worked there for 2 years. Over the years I dealt with some shit at that place that would make me cry whenever I got home from work…
From being yelled out and humiliated in front of other coworkers, getting paid late, others looking down on you, never feeling appreciated, always going the extra mile and not even getting a simple pat on the back, always the one who was blamed for everything, the one who would get thrown all the work that no one else wanted to do. It sucked. But I was able to just push through it all with a “smile” on my face even though that wasn’t how I was feeling in the inside. My friend (before he left that place) would always tell me that I am usually very patient with those people, no matter how many times they would try to bring me down I would just force smiles through it and still get the job done. But one time, the “owner” was cracking down on me HARD. Even though what happened wasn’t even my fault. Damn, it wasn’t even apart of my department yet it was all my fault?! I broke down that day, I tried to smile like I always do but it was getting harder and harder every single day I went to that hell. I hate crying in front of people, but my friends were comforting me trying to make me feel better. I couldn’t take it anymore, I wanted to bash my head in a wall. I left early that day… my anxiety was so high I was shaking so violently.
The days, weeks, months passed… then suddenly one day I wanted out. I didn’t care about the consequences afterwards, I just wanted to leave never have to see that place anymore. Most of my friends already walked out because of the same reason, it was finally my turn. 2 years of stress and effecting me what I really want to do with my life. I cleaned out my desk the moment I walked through that door, I finished some left over work that I had to finish. I spoke to my Supervisor about me leaving and he was actually proud of me. My Supervisor was the best person in Upper Management. He is the one who stands up for us when no one else would, he was the only one who would hear us out. He was the one who would give us advice when we needed it. He looked out for me, as I looked out for him. I’m glad to have worked under him and it did break my heart knowing that I wouldn’t be able to see him anymore or even work with him. But he knew that I could do better with my life and move forward. He knew that what I’ve been going through wasn’t fair… and wanted the best of my future.
I left that day without saying a word to anyone else. He was the only one I wanted to truly say goodbye too. Plus, most of my friends weren’t working there anymore.
The next day I woke up knowing that I didn’t need to go to that horrible place anymore, I actually for once felt… happy. My friends were there for me when I was stressing out over the fact that I didn’t have a job anymore. They were the best and I’m grateful for them. Since then I’m happy and most people that see me now even say that I look a lot better, no more stress over shit that I shouldn’t have to worry. I do not regret leaving that place AT ALL. There was some days I had second thoughts but then the memories of all the shit came rushing back and since then I don’t care about it.
But the only thing I would like to thank them about is the fact that they gave me the experience when no one else would, that they actually gave me a chance. They also made me realize how patient I am when it comes to dumb people, they also made me realize that I deserve better and shouldn’t get anything less. But everything must come to an end, and start a new and that’s exactly what I did.
Once again I don’t have any regrets.
And once again:
Fuck. Those. People.