I was having a hard morning. I wrote an entry about it in one of the other books I have (I think the job one). I didn't know what to do about my life, or which direction I wanted to go in. I'm 32. It's a little hard to start fresh at this point...especially when you have a family.
My best friend and I had lunch, where I just spilled everything. I work with her, so she understands that aspect of what's going on.
She asked what truly makes me happy. All of a sudden, it came out of nowhere. Writing. Writing makes me happy. Writing feature stories about people and their lives, dreams, missions, ambitions. Getting the word out about amazing people, who otherwise might not have a voice.
I was an editor for my community college's newspaper. I majored in journalism in college (broadcast, although I should have never deterred from newspaper even though I knew that particular media was going to change since I graduated). I wrote two feature articles for a nationwide sports magazine. I've had one of my radio pieces go nationwide on NPR. I'm a storyteller.
So now what? I need to get back into writing that way again. I'll probably make up feature stories and use quotes from actual stories (for example, how the USA win over Russia today in men's hockey was great, but nothing compared to the 1980 team). Obviously, I'm only doing these preliminary stories for myself. I'll most likely contact my local newspaper to see if there's anything I can do. My ultimate goal would be to write features for a sports magazine on a regular basis.
That's where the hard part comes in. Life. I can never put myself first. I can never do anything that truly makes me happy. I always put my toddler or husband first. I always work around my husband's schedule. I know it's malarky, but I also don't know how to break that cycle. It's not that he even thinks his commitments are more important than mine. It's just how it's always been.
I'm actually scared to tell him about all of this. He might just blow it off and say it's a hobby. He might ask when I'll have time to pursue this. I won't have an answer to that.
I'm tired of being scared though. I'm truly over not being happy with myself.
Now I just have to act.
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