story of my life... in disappointment.

Have you ever felt like the biggest disappointment in your family?
Like whatever you do is just never good enough… no matter how hard you try?
Because that’s what I’ve been feeling like lately.
I’m not a bad kid, well at least I don’t think. I do whatever I’m told…
Sometimes I talk back and give attitude but I mean doesn’t everybody? This is probably a depressing topic to start off with. But whatever… I am currently unemployed and looking for a job, I do still live with my parents (no I’m not like 40 years old who still lives with mommy and daddy) I’ve been unemployed for 2 months now, I did have another job but that is a WHOLE other section in itself and I’ll be sure to cover that topic as well. But lately it feels like I’m trying so desperately to make my mom proud of me. I don’t really have this issue with my dad, he’s always been the more laid back of the two. With my mom it’s like whatever I do is never good enough, like EVER. I feel like she compares me a lot with my big brother, just because he is more independent and he has a better head on his shoulders. It’s just not fair… I love my mom don’t get me wrong, she was like my best friend that I did almost everything with and talked about shit. But now that I’m unemployed she treats me like trash. I know she acts a certain way because she is my mother and cares about my well-being and wants the best of me but it’s just at times she just goes a little to far and I want to just dig a hole in the backyard jump in head first and bury myself alive. Even my own dad started noticing that she has been hard on me, she always was. Like I’m sorry I’m awkward and hate opening up with my true feelings. I tried to open up to my mom once, lets just say that didn’t go great. She just judged me the whole time and not giving great advice back. Since then I haven’t tried anything with her…
I want to talk to my mom without having that fear that she will try to bring me down, now that I talk to her I get so much anxiety that I just want to explode.