Hello again anonymous people, I did not think I would come back here. I was not sure that it was any help to share my problems, thoughts, and feelings online to random strangers.(no offense) But so much has happened since the last time I wrote and I just kept thinking to come on here and write about it so I guess it is doing something to help if I am intrigued to come back right? I do not really know I have been delusional for a couple days now and just trapped in a room full of thoughts that I can not manage on my own. So where did I leave off last time… ahhh that’s right we were talking about my love and happiness. (Lets just call him J) I went to see him that following weekend after the first post and oh my every time I see him every happy emotion rushes right back into me and it is like we meet for the first time every time. Things were great and my love never stops growing for him and I know his love never stops growing for me. I return home and all is normal until J texts me about some of his family issues that just came about. I am not going to say everything but just to give you an idea of SOME of the things he is dealing with… His grandmother fell and broke her hip, his younger brother has been getting into some trouble and his mom wants him to do something about it (He is eight hours away), his dad fell and broke his arm and has had multiple surgeries, and one of his uncles is really close to passing. He has just a ton of stress from all those family issues on top of all his college stuff and track and grades. Everything is getting to him and his mental health just kept dropping and I could see that I was loosing the J I knew and loved. I still ten thousand percent love him and will not go anywhere but I can definitely see that all of this is effecting him. By now you are probably wondering why this is titles “Hard Times” well J texted me a couple of days ago saying that he needed a break…from us… my heart shattered. Im really not trying to be dramatic but I was sick the entire day and I could not eat or even get out of bed. I felt so defeated and hopeless. I thought that I was not enough and I just could not let go of him that easily so I told him I thought it was a bad idea.. But then I stepped back and realized I was being selfish and if I loved him I would give him what he needed and what he needed well still needs in this case is time to himself to better himself to be happy again. I was scared, terrified actually because I did not know anymore if he was going to be in the future I laid out for us in my head. He then texted me later that day saying that he loved me and will never stop loving me and that this is not the end of our story and that he just needed a little of space to clear out the negatives. We still talk everyday but its minimum which really sucks. But our love is strong and I know that after this speed bump that he is going through we will end up stronger. I understand everyone goes through shit because I have but its hard for me to sit on the sideline and watch the love of my life in pain emotionally and physically and I can’t step in. I can’t loose you J, my life would have no meaning without you.
Simply, Me
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