A blessing and a curse in 99 Problems

I’m stuck at this desk......for four hours.
I know it isn’t really something to complain about, seeing that my job is fairly simple. But I get so anxious after talking to multiple people. Then again, I love talking to people one on one. I’m studying for a job that consists of talking to people one on one. Yet I also love being by myself often. Then again, I go crazy when I’m left to my own thoughts.
It’s kinda difficult to be a girl who wants to be alone nowadays. I get the strangest looks on the shuttle and at the store. I feel judged and pitied (because walking around as a woman “isn’t safe”). Older women give me shy smiles from afar and older men look at me confused because of how young I look. I remember walking into a McDonalds on a weekday and being scolded for “skipping school”. A high school happened to be right around the corner. Buying my dad’s cigars always brings entertaining looks and stares. My i.d. is thoroughly checked and scanned just about every time. Even the elders at the nursing home I worked in treated me like a child (which I totally didn’t mind because they were so sweet).
I guess what I’m trying to say is that my independence and young appearance is a blessing and a curse. It makes it easier for me to do things alone. But I also have an extremely difficult time making friends. You’d think it would be easy to say “hi, let’s be friends”, then text and call and go out for lunch after lecture. It never works out for me. I have five people who have spoken to me about meeting up sometime soon. It never happens though. A thought in the back of my head tells me that people only call when they need something to do or a shoulder to lean on. I’m not invited to things like parties or study sessions or anything like that.
Well, there was one friendship I had where I was basically family. His mom would make my favorite foods when I came over and everything. I don’t even think I would have made it to college without their help, but I eventually found a way to fuck up that friendship too.
I wonder how my younger sister manages to become the most cherished person in her friend group. She comes home with a bag full of gifts on holidays and her birthday. The moms of her friends love her to death. Her phone blows up all the time. But just like me when I was her age, she spends a lot of her spare time reading Wattpad.
Okay, now I’m just rambling. I’ll go and study now.