I Feel A Rant Coming On in Coping
- Feb. 13, 2014, 9:37 p.m.
- |
- Public
I am so tired of people telling me how I should feel or that I should be farther along in the grieving process then I am. Or for instance this evening I posted on Facebook that I dreaded Valentines Day tomorrow because it would be the first one in 29yrs that I would be alone and an aunt actually said " Well Mary you have 15 more years of memories then I have ". Hello???? Does that make it any better???Really??? It also means I had 15 ore years with my husband then you did yours which means I had 15 more years to become EVEN CLOSER which would make his death EVEN HARDER........ I'm just tired of people not realizing that I have spent the past 7 months surrounded by people and have not had the time to grieve like I should have. They all act like I should be so much farther along in this process then I am. I've been back in my own home for two weeks now and I'm just really starting to feel the loss of my husband. Sure, I missed him when I was with my sister and her family. I missed him a lot. But it's different now. Now I really do grieve for him. I find myself thinking of him all times of the day and night and I break into tears so easily. I miss him so very much. I can't even begin to explain it. We were married for a little over 28ys. He was my best friend, lover, cohort in pranks, caregiver when I was sick, confidante, and so much more. He was everything I ever wanted in a man. I have found only one person I can actually talk to about Elton and feel free to just actually talk abut anything and cry. That would be Eltons best friend and good friend to me Ronnie. Ronnie has known Elton for years, and known me since just before Elton and I married. I can be totally honest with him about what I'm feeling and don't have to worry that he is going to judge me for how I'm feeling. These past two weeks that I have been back home he's been a great listener an I'm thankful that he is there on those days that I feel there's no one who understands. This is the hardest thing I have been through in my life. Losing our house to the fire was nothing compared to this. I miss him so much. I just want to feel his arms around me one more time, his soft gentle kiss. I want to feel his body next to mine. I don't know if I can do this....
stargazing ⋅ February 13, 2014
The things people say sometimes are amazing. I'm sorry. :( We all grieve at different speeds, and I feel like others thought I should be over my losses way before I was...but that wasn't my experience. It is, what it is. Of course Valentine's Day would be difficult for you...all of the firsts are going to be hard. I'll be thinking about you. hugs (And I'm so glad I found you here!)
Deleted user ⋅ February 13, 2014
hugs. I am so sorry for your loss. People don't understand grief. If I were in your position I'd be dreading tomorrow also, it's a shame people are treating you like that. Stay strong.
Deleted user ⋅ February 14, 2014
* gentle hugs * People can be so very thoughtless and insensitive.
QueenSuzu ⋅ February 14, 2014
I am so sorry for your loss. I agree totally w/you about people not understanding and thinking you should be "further along" in the process. Everyone deals w/loss at different rates and in different ways. I'm glad that you have found someone to talk to about your feelings. You can always talk to us, but it's not quite the same as actually talking to a person. ((hugs))
middle age pearl ⋅ February 14, 2014
The "bitterness" that your Aunt expressed is very self-centered of her, but we meet and know all kinds in our lives. She may have gotten stuck in the "anger" stage of grief and perhaps likes it there. Ignore her comment and try to avoid getting "stuck" in the stages of grief. The sadness and hurt will be there for ever, and if we're lucky, it will just overcome us at certain times after some time has passed. I dread Valentine's too and Fred has been gone for almost 9 yrs now. He gave me a singing stuffed turtle on our last Valentine's together. Tonight, before I got to bed, I will take him down from the high shelf I keep him on, and press the switch on his "hand" and wait for him to start singing and spinning. I will shed some tears, be amazed that he still plays and spins, and put him back in his spot until next Valentine's Day. Fred wasn't much on Valentine's day gifts, but in 2005 he did good. I'll never forget and will always be grateful that I have that wonderful memory of a Valentine's that is getting farther and farther away. Grieve all you need to. Shed as many tears as there are and one day, you'll not grieve as much or shed as many tears except on certain days or occasions. You will always have good memories. For that, be grateful and you are blessed. Love you and a great big HUG!!
Deleted user ⋅ February 16, 2014
Honestly - I have a very difficult time not commenting back to her on your FB page. She kinda makes me crazy with the things that she says to you.
I would love some girl time sweetie - I'm sorry this is so rough for you. I think of you so often - I know you have a tough road ahead, but I'm confident you'll find some light.
Tazmo ⋅ January 24, 2015
I am here to listen always.. no judgement. You grieve as you need to!