Time: 5:27 Place: at the public library
I cried so real tears today. I am usually kind of wasteful with my tears but today I cried. I don't even really believe in Valentine day and I cried real tears about it. Trying not to remember the crappy love life I have now..............................I am still upset with myself about ruining things with T more than 3 years ago. Yes its been about 3 or 4 years. I be completely over him and all things that I did to him. However I am not. God has forgiven me I am not sure why in the heck I cannot forgive myself.
Talking to my friend B and her man got her Jordans. Oh....my I have been thinking about getting into the Jordan craze. You know a cute pair...they must not be so expensive anymore. I am not sure the only pair I ever had T bought them for me.
Anyways B ass been dodging me because he think I want something for V-day. I ain't even on his level. He on some other shit. I mean I know I made up this cuddle buddy thing but I feel like he would stop fucking with me if he had a good job. I know for a fact he was with at least one other female but we aren't exclusive. We are cuddle buddies. He said he would get me something and it would be more like v-day, birthday and Christmas wrapped in one. I have a feeling he meant the birthday and Christmas for 2014 instead of the one that just passed. He currently isn't an option and I think again I will pull away from him. Honestly i need someone to talk to but my feelings in the way.
Marsha invited me on a trip. Her and her man are going on a road trip. I am going to go. Simply to get away. They just want someone to pay for half of the trip although they are stacked. They are good company so I will go. What the hell at least I was invited.
I have been thinking about T a lot. I just have to let that go. He is married and so I am. I am soon to be divorced.
L is another cup of the tea that I will spill later. On my last diary I spoke about him very little.
TODAY i cried real tears....tears so real I could feel my soul erupting. I want it to stop dear lord. I want the sadness and depression about not having a man to go away. I want it go away and for me to be content in what you see as fit for my life. I pray that there is a man in the near future but I really want the pain to stop.
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