Not an Easy Entry, but an Important One! in General Mental Anesthesia

IBD AWARENESS WEEK

This is not easy to talk about; it’s a difficult and touchy subject and yes I’m embarrassed sharing all of this, but I have a responsibility to educate others that can’t possibly fathom what millions of people suffer with and go through on a daily basis.

And I’m really only focusing on a side effect, though I do believe that much more will actually be revealed.

With ibd (irritable bowel disease) comes #depression.

Think of your everyday life. Waking up, eating, driving, going to work, having lunch, going to the gym or out to eat, being with friends, family, shopping etc… Enjoying a movie, reading a book, going to bed. Never take those things for granted.

I have IBD (ULCERATIVE COLITIS).

I hardly sleep because every 45 minutes I have to run to the bathroom, sometimes even more often. Going to the bathroom can be a teary-eyed, moan heavy event.

Not only does IBD require frequent hospitalizations, but a whole lot of tests, procedures and blood work.

That’s 8 puncture wounds in case you didn’t count.

And needles to the inside of the wrist are not fun!

This photo perfectly explains ulcerative colitis. While receiving medication in the hospital, I had to urgently get up and run to the bathroom, the nurse didn’t even have time to finish the injection or extract the needle from my arm!

Each second outside of the bathroom is excruciatingly painful. (imagine having the worst stomach ache you’ve ever had & it never goes away… For months… Years even). I’ve had a stomach ache everyday of my life since Aug 23, 1992. Eventually you get used to it, except when you’re in a flare state as I have been for the last three years. The pain increases exponentially and there’s never ever getting used to that. Like a security blanket, no matter where you are, you’re almost always holding your tummy.

You can’t eat breakfast or much of anything; a sip of water can send you running to the bathroom, often you can’t work. You suffer with joint pain, severe fatigue and dozens of side effects from meds which in many cases such as mine don’t work or cause more harm than good.

You’re nauseous all the time & need to carry extra clothes with you everywhere you go in case of ‘accidents’. With Ulcerative Colitis your large intestine is inflamed; when it’s inflamed it can’t do its job of absorbing bile and blood. Think about that! Think about every time you need to pass gas, where you are, what you’re doing, who you’re with… but you can’t do it because blood and bile will come out, you need to hold it until you can get to a toilet, but the cramps and Ulcerative Colitis doesn’t let you hold it. I’m not comparing myself to a pregnant woman, but you have contractions similar to labor pains (or so I’ve been told). When the contractions occur, your life stops, you can’t move because the pain is so intense; this is also why going to the bathroom can reduce even the toughest guy to tears. You literally have no control. When you get an urge of any kind it is IMMEDIATE!!! Sometimes (and this is no exaggeration) you only have a few seconds to get to a restroom. Even at home that is an impossible task, let alone out and about.

One of the worst things is getting those cramps & contractions and frantically rushing to find a bathroom, then when you do, you have all the pain and nausea of being sick, but nothing comes out.

You know when you have to vomit, but you only dry heave, there’s no relief.

You can only stay in a bathroom for so long, but you know that as soon as you leave that you’re going to have to return… 5 minutes later, 20… However long it takes, the pain and discomfort is excruciating. Overall with IBD, your quality of life is shit.

When you are sick (which is 90% of the time) I’ve lost upwards of a cup of blood or more/day. That in itself has detrimental effects on the body, contributing to weakness, fatigue, weightloss etc… This past month alone I’ve lost 24lbs.

You’re afraid to go shopping or to the mall because you are in so much pain & know that you’ll be sick. A public restroom is not where you want to be in these instances. When you’re in the bathroom, it might be 5 minutes or an hour and 5 minutes. You might be throwing up and having diarrhea at the same time. After getting sick, you may be sick again just minutes later, it’s that unpredictable! You can’t spend time with friends or family, you can’t enjoy a movie or get lost in a book. You’re consumed by your illness, by the unrelenting pain.

Then there’s the insomnia. As mentioned above, you can’t sleep because you’re either running to the bathroom throughout the night or just in never-ending pain so severe that you can’t sleep. And that’s all you want to do because not being conscious is the only time you’re not in pain. This of course also contributes heavily to depression. It’s me every single night.

It makes you sad, it makes you depressed. You’re lonely because you’re only comfortable alone. It even hurts to talk because you have to move your diaphragm and that is painful. You’re embarrassed & feel humiliated everyday. It hurts just wearing clothes.

This is a picture of my guitar. It reminds me of the best years of my life when I played and was on stage. I can’t even lift it at the moment, but looking at this elevates my mood ever so slightly; you need to recognize & accept these small victories in life.

I’ve clinically suffered with depression for most of my life and long before I got UC, but depression is a serious side effect of IBD be it crohns or colitis.

You can live a long life with IBD… or it can kill you. The link at the bottom of this page goes to a GoFundMe page that a friend of mine wrote up on my behalf because her mom died from Ulcerative Colitis and currently, so am I. Please don’t feel bad, I’m not looking for pity, the purpose of the GFM page is to help me go see a certain Dr. (A holistic Dr. (Dr. Mackey)) who once saved my life when UC nearly killed me many years ago. She got me into a 17 year remission that ended in Nov, 2015. I invite you to read my story and the updates on there that I’ve shared if for nothing more than to educate yourselves on the intricacies of a disease that so few people know much about.

When healthy (relatively) Early morning meeting to discuss environmental issues in the Florida Everglades.

Hiking and Ziplining across Boulder Canyon in Nevada.

During an ulcerative colitis flare (I was so violently ill that I passed out in the bathroom in the middle of the night - this has happened to me several times in my life). When I came to, I was in too much pain to get up off the floor; my phone was by my hand., I couldn’t even open my eyes, but I managed this picture by way of feel to try and capture the moment.

Another time (earlier this year) when I passed out in the bathoom (while I was in the hospital). I woke up face down on the floor having hit my head (eye) on the tile.

Just tying to spread some knowledge and educate people during this IBD awareness week. It’s so much more than you think.

G-D Bless and I hope everyone has a Happy Holiday!

MY STORY

Last updated December 08, 2018